what’s your motivation?

it is super easy for us to judge others based on the things we see them doing (or not)…
 
we often judge based on comparisons of what WE like and what is working or has worked for US…
 
things like:
 
+ how they care for themselves
+ their work ethic
+ their relationship to food or alcohol
+ how and whom they date
+ their sex life and choice of partner(s)
+ how much rest they get
+ how frequently they workout or meditate
+ how they manage or cope with their stress
 
many of these things we are judging could be based on things THEY have said they were having issues with
 
we’re just trying to help
 
i get it
 
i’ve been on the side of wanting to help (fix) others + I’ve been the one doing the thing that others wanted to help (fix) me with
 
BUT
 
here’s what i’ve learned…
 
it’s less about WHAT one is doing and more about WHY they are doing it
 
+ i’ve not taken care of myself out of fear and over-serving for approval AND i’ve chosen to put me after someone else with intention because of a deadline and/or i knew i’d get to me later that day
 
+ i’ve worked HARD out of fear and a desire for approval AND i’ve worked hard for a deadline and from a place of intentional choice
 
+ i’ve eaten food for comfort and to numb out how i was feeling AND i’ve had the same food because i wanted it and it brought me pleasure
 
+ i’ve drank because i wanted to enjoy a glass of wine or bourbon AND i’ve drank because i didn’t want to feel my feelings
 
+ i’ve dated for fear of being alone AND dated because i wanted to spend time exploring new people
 
+ i’ve had sex for approval and a desire to be loved because i was afraid i wasn’t enough AND i’ve had sex because i wanted to experience the pleasure
 
+ i’ve stayed up all night because i was scared of getting in trouble for not finishing what i started and out of fear of being abandoned if i wasn’t “good” AND i’ve chosen to stay up because i was geeked about what i was doing + creating
 
+ i’ve worked out from a place of hating my body AND i’ve worked out because i love my body + want to move and stretch her
 
+ i’ve hidden my stress for fear of not being loved and received + i’ve spoken up for attention AND i have expressed my needs to ask for support + i’ve used my voice to be real and make authentic, vulnerable connections
 
in my world
it’s never about the WHAT we are doing
it’s always about the WHY
 
i invite you to dig deeper
with yourself + others
what you find may surprise you…
 
 
xoxox
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ignoring what is doesn’t make it not

 

full speed ahead 24/7/365 causes crashes
 
i know because
i’ve been on the floor
more than once
i’ve lost my sh*t
so many times i stopped counting
i’ve cried hysterically
after screaming at the top of my lungs
when something didn’t go my way
or plans changed
i’ve been so tense my muscles
forgot how to relax
i’ve clawed at my skin
to hold down the rage
 
but you didn’t know
i wouldn’t let you know
on the outside
i was successful
i was achieving
i was helpful & reliable
i looked the part
i was nice
i was friendly
i was pretty & polished
 
on the inside
i was raging
i was short-circuiting
i was melting down
i was burning out
 
>> many successful women are burning out <<
 
it’s a badge of honor to be busy & exhausted
we brag about our lack of sleep and long hours
like they give out awards for suffering
 
we drink a bottle of wine a night
every night
gotta numb out
so we can function
 
we take pills
to stop our tears
to block our emotions
we don’t have time to open that flood gate
if we did
we doubt
it would ever close
we’ve been locked up
so long
silent
for years
 
our hard work is our salvation
really our protection
disguised as our perfection
keeping us from slowing down long enough
to look at the reality of our lives
 
burnout doesn’t happen overnight
it’s a slow burning fuse
 
>> there are warnings << 
 

the problem is, most of us ignore them because they are so accepted and expected that we don’t recognize them for the red flags they are

so
we push harder
motivating ourselves with self-abuse
 
it’s called being an adult
we say
pull it together
put your big girl panties on
just do it
what’s wrong with you
we ask
so-and-so has it worse than you
you’re so lazy
and then we justify
 
it’s not that bad
everyone i know is fried
i’m too busy
i don’t have time
today is the ONLY day to get things done
look at our to-do list
he needs me
they need me
she needs me
it’s fine
i’m fine
i’m fine
bullshit
 
first, you’re not fine
second, fine is not a feeling
 
let’s stop pretending
let’s look at what is REAL
ignoring what is doesn’t make it not
 
if you’re curious about what you might be missing, click here and grab The 31 Most Commonly Missed Signs of Burnout for Women
 
it’s time we reclaim our power 🔥
 
xoxo
 
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What’s a coach? [and other FAQs]


❓What’s a coach? ⁣
❓Why would I need a coach? ⁣
❓Who hires a coach? ⁣
❓Are people who hire coaches messed up? ⁣
❓Is hiring a coach a lot of money? ⁣
❓What do coaches do exactly? ⁣



🙋‍♀️ What exactly is a coach?

A coach is someone who pushes you, challenges you, provokes you, holds you accountable, & guides you toward your goals, dreams, and desires. (Even the ones that have fallen dormant inside you.) ⁣

🤔 Why would I need a coach?

You don’t. Not unless you are serious about achieving the things you talk about wanting. You know, all the stuff you don’t currently have and/or aren’t currently experiencing in your life. Things like… happiness, joy, peace, freedom, harmony… and, the tangible things like money, success, career, life partner, etc. ⁣

🙋‍♀️ Who hires a coach?

People who want the above. People who know life has to offer more than they are currently experiencing and recognize that the things they have been doing have not been giving them the results that they want and they’re tired of repeating the same day over and over and over again & pretending they’re fine when they’re not. ⁣

🤦‍♀️ Are people who hire coaches messed up?

Nope. You’re not messed up. You’re human. You’re a human with a human brain programmed to protect you, not programmed to reach your dreams and goals. ⁣

💰Is hiring a coach a lot of money? ⁣

It depends on what you value. If you don’t see the value, $1 is too much money. ⁣

🤔 What do coaches do exactly? ⁣

Coaching is as unique and personal as the coach doing the coaching and the client being coached & there are A 𝘓𝘖𝘛 of awesome & badass coaches out there. I can’t tell you what they do. ⁣

Me? 👇🏼⁣

I work with my clients to free them from the disempowering and limiting beliefs that have kept them trapped in a pattern of repeating behaviors that no longer serve their higher purpose. ⁣

I help my clients stop beating themselves up & forgive themselves for the past so that they can be fully present in their lives and with those they love. ⁣

I challenge my clients to stop blaming everyone and everything in their life as the reason they’re not doing and/or being what they want to do and be so they can feel empowered to make changes. ⁣

I call forth ownership and help my clients reconnect to their authentic internal power-source. ⁣(The only way true transformation can occur.)

I guide people to free themselves by unlocking the bars on the cage they’ve created so that they can move forward in crafting a life that they are proud of while feeling accomplished, emotionally strong, and at peace.⁣

I create a safe space for my clients to drop the masks of who they pretend to be and together we extinguish their suffering. ⁣

I am a transformational evangelist. ⁣
I am a fierce and ferocious advocate. ⁣
I am a certified Neuro-transformational Results Coach. ⁣

If you’re 𝘙𝘌𝘈𝘓𝘓𝘠 curious about what I do, comment below, send me a DM, or email me at: michelle@coachmichellemoore.com. ⁣

Let’s set up a call. ⁣
We can chat & see what happens. ⁣

xo

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[ < firestarter > ]

the cannibalistic cycle ⁣⁣
of miserable determination ⁣⁣
consumed by the me ⁣⁣
i now be ⁣⁣
⁣⁣
the fire ⁣⁣
still alive in me ⁣⁣
transformed ⁣⁣
by me⁣⁣
the scathing, self-loathing ⁣⁣
giving birth to the breath ⁣⁣
of liberation ⁣⁣
⁣⁣
finally willing to feel ⁣⁣
the flames ⁣⁣
allowing them to melt ⁣⁣
all of the me ⁣⁣
i spent my life⁣⁣
pretending to be ⁣⁣
the pretty me⁣⁣
the polished me⁣⁣
the perfect me ⁣⁣
i felt the burning heat ⁣⁣
melting ⁣⁣
and stood there⁣⁣
screaming ⁣⁣
breathtaking ⁣⁣
taking my breath ⁣⁣
away ⁣⁣
as the ⁣⁣
flames ⁣⁣
initially ⁣⁣
evoking fear ⁣⁣
in the me ⁣⁣
i used to be⁣⁣
scaring me ⁣⁣
which is why ⁣⁣
the me ⁣⁣
i used to be⁣⁣
𝘜𝘚𝘌𝘋 to not feel ⁣⁣
the intensity ⁣⁣
of the heat ⁣⁣
on my sensitive skin⁣⁣
⁣⁣
the me i used to be ⁣⁣
ran ⁣⁣
terrified of the inevitable ⁣⁣
necessary ⁣⁣
destruction ⁣⁣
consumption ⁣⁣
⁣⁣
the fear inside⁣⁣
the me ⁣⁣
i used to be⁣⁣
grew into fascination ⁣⁣
i found myself⁣⁣
intrigued ⁣⁣
by the burning⁣⁣
masochistic in my curiosity ⁣⁣
yet paralyzed ⁣⁣
wanting to step ⁣⁣
ever closer⁣⁣
yet cemented ⁣⁣
in the me ⁣⁣
i used to be ⁣⁣
unable to take ⁣⁣
one ⁣⁣
single ⁣⁣
step⁣⁣
⁣⁣
until the moment ⁣⁣
⁣⁣
yearning for everything⁣⁣
i’d spent years protecting ⁣⁣
pretending⁣⁣
to be ⁣⁣
to be⁣⁣
destroyed⁣⁣
begging ⁣⁣
for my fragile front⁣⁣
to be decimated⁣⁣
⁣⁣
by me⁣⁣
the firestarter ⁣⁣
⁣⁣
pulled into the magnetic flames ⁣⁣
of my own vulnerable authenticity ⁣⁣
⁣⁣
ready to be reborn ⁣⁣

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Go LOVE Yourself !

Self.

self/self/noun

1. a person’s essential being that distinguishes them from others, especially considered as the object of introspection or reflexive action.

Love.

love/ləv/noun

  1. an intense feeling of deep affection.
  2. a great interest and pleasure in something.
  3. a person or thing that one loves.

love/ləv/verb

  1. feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment to (someone).


Self-love feels like one of the most talked about concepts, yet I believe most of us don’t DO self love.

While we are familiar with the notion, for so many of my sisters, self love is simply not an ACTIVE practice.

It sounds good in theory and we read books and burn sage and purchase crystals and get manicures, but when it comes to actually executing an intentional practice…

We say things like, “That’d be nice. I wish I had time for that luxury…”

The truth is, the active practice of self love demands us to shift our seat on our long task list. We have to move ourselves from dead last to first. Self love calls forth a bold declaration from the depths of our soul. An unapologetic battle cry…

“My needs are JUST as important as your needs.”

Because dead last? It is killing us.

We are quick to leap at the opportunity to serve and give and show up for another, but “GASP!” how dare you ask us to show up for ourselves? I mean, we’re soooooooo busy.

The habitual “I’m fine” slowly erodes at our self-esteem and self-worth as we seemingly, suddenly find ourselves angry and resentful waiting for others to give us what we haven’t given ourselves. We’re impatiently waiting for a person or an accomplishment to come along and validate us. And when they don’t? We become irrational and irritable because they haven’t given us what we haven’t asked for and yet believe we are owed.

But friend, it’s you. The love you’re seeking is within. There is NO external source that can love you enough… validate you enough… to satiate the hunger rumbling deep in your belly.

I snapped this picture in April 2018. I was leaving a week long transformational coaching training and it was during this week — just one year ago — that I fell in love with me. I released shame and guilt I’d been carrying for years. I stopped punishing myself and I chose love. Intentionally. I saw the wholeness of who I was and I loved her with the ferocious compassion of a mama bear protecting her cubs.

I didn’t know how

But you showed me

I didn’t know if I could

But you believe in me

I didn’t know I was worthy

But you reminded me

I didn’t know if I was enough

But you lovingly affirmed my truth

I forgot where to look

But then I saw your reflection

It is impossible to love others if we are not actively in love with ourself first. And, if you’re like most people, you are going to have to enlist support in cultivating new habits. We are simply not programmed to choose us.

In “Pussy – A Reclamation” Regena Thomashauer says, “It’s very difficult for us to say yes to our own pleasure. We have no experience prioritizing our own joy or making an investment in ourselves. But it is very easy to say yes to responsibility and obligation.”

This has to change.

It’s time to change.

And, I believe we are most effective in transforming our lives and habits when we have the support of tribe.

My new friend Sharon, the founder of GO LOVE YOURSELF– a self care and self love subscription box- shares the following on her website:

…as March’s featured author Kelly Corrigan notes, “you can’t really be loved if you can’t bear to be really known.”

And you deserve to take the time for yourself to know yourself, and love yourself, to know others, and to love others, and to be known by others, and to be loved by others. You don’t have to go it alone.

Sharon believes that self care is an action and self love is the result. 

Awareness in and of itself doesn’t bring change. Motivation, while fun to experience, doesn’t bring change. What does bring change is ACTION. A commitment to DOING what needs to be done to change our lives and increase our self love and happiness.

As Sharon shares, “if you’re ready to be the change you want to see, take the actions you need to take, do the work, and connect with a group of women who are committed to truly living their best lives, we’re here for you.”

I couldn’t agree more.

Take the first action step in choosing YOU and get yourself the support you’re worthy of.

If you have any questions about the support Sharon provides, feel free to contact her directly through her website: https://www.thegoloveyourselfbox.com/about_us or if you have questions for me, send me an email at: michelle@coachmichellemoore.com.

xo

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your dreams are dying in the life you’re not living.

Desires.

For so long I pretended I was unworthy. Like I had to do more and be more to earn the right to want. Ugh. “Earn the right to want…”

The law had been written and I had declared, “I never was nor would I ever be enough.” I had crowned myself “unworthy” and so it was.

Eventually, I stopped wanting. It wasn’t safe. It was too risky.

My dreams and desires were trapped. Locked inside my soul, fighting to come out– to come alive. Longing to be spoken out loud into the Universe, fueled by the oxygen of my breath. But, I’d build a wall to keep them in.

And yet I stood there yelling about how I can’t dream and how I don’t know what I want, but the reality was, I’d built the wall to trap my desires. I put the padlock on the chains, I latched it closed, the lock was on MY side of the door, and I was the one person holding the only key.

And yet, I was angry and throwing a fit about how it wasn’t fair.

Like many of you, I was waiting. Telling myself, I’d express my desires if a few standards were met…

I had to know it was safe.

I needed “them” to prove they could be trusted with my desires.

And more than that? I needed to know for sure that what I wanted would come true before I dare speak anything out loud.

Can you relate?

Good luck with that.

You’re going to wait forever.

Why?

Because you’re requesting the impossible. You’re demanding an unknown prediction of the future so that you can ensure everything will work out the way you want it to and if and only if you get the guarantee will you then come back to the present and take action and speak your desires aloud.

Pretending you “don’t know” feels safer.

Pretending feels more comfortable than confronting the truth: Your desires and dreams are not safe with you.

How do I know? Because I wasn’t safe with me for years. I couldn’t trust myself so I hunted for my answers– sought out my dreams– in others. “You tell me what I should want,” I’d say.

My gluttonous consumption of information and my addiction to the intoxication– high off of the answers others gave me– had me waking up everyday with a pounding headache and a hangover from hell because the shots they poured and what I guzzled down didn’t have the capacity to satiate my soul’s real longing.

Things began to change for me when I admitted all of this to myself and recognized that the solutions I was getting were to the questions I was asking, but I wasn’t asking the right questions.

Friend, it is possible to live a life liberated. It is possible to dismantle and transform the lie you’re living disguised as a life you’re not living, extinguish your suffering, unlock the padlock, and release your soul.

xo

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your suffering is optional

while i don’t recall the moment i first heard haruki murakami’s quote, i distinctly remember the feeling in my body. my jaw clenched and my shoulders rolled back and tightened as i began to embody a fighting stance. i was under attack and preparing myself for battle. i was ready to defend my suffering. i was set to argue against anyone who would dare try to take my limitations away.

now, as i reflect on that version of me, i feel a sadness for her. but her aggressively defensive behavior makes sense to me.

when i was told my suffering was optional, i made it mean that it was a choice. and i didn’t want to hear that i was CHOOSING to suffer.

why?

because that would mean i would no longer be able to blame my mom or my dad or my life or those people over there or this circumstance here or my finances or that one person from 15 years ago who called me fat or that teacher who wouldn’t help me or that guy that broke my heart or that girl who said those things mean things.

if my suffering was a choice, i’d have to stop saying it was “them” keeping me down and admit that it was me.

and friend, i didn’t like that one bit.

but, here’s the thing that’s important to understand if you want to live an empowered life– your experience is 100% within your control.

if we are suffering, it is our choice.

if you are suffering, it is your choice.

i was reading an article that described it like this: it is possible to experience pain and not suffer as much as it’s possible to suffer and not be in any physical pain.

to me, the suffering kicks in when we become emotionally entangled in our pain. when we take our pain and we attach who we are to that pain we will suffer. when we beat ourselves up (physically, mentally, or emotionally) for our pain, we will suffer. when we continue our self-abuse with guilt and shame, we will continue our suffering.

THESE are the things that are our choice.

the painful or traumatic or painful thing that happened? that’s not on you.

but, making that event(s) mean something negative about who you are, beating yourself up again and again for your perceived mistake(s), and torturing yourself with guilt and shame… friend, those things are your choice.

if you believe you’ve suffered enough, comment below or send me an email at michelle@coachmichellemoore.com. i’d love to support you. and if you haven’t suffered enough, carry on. but, as you carry on, do it will full ownership that at this point, the suffering you’re experiencing is YOUR CHOICE.

blame is easier, but it’s never healed a hurting human. please don’t try to be the first.

xo

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how to stop giving a sh*t about what other people think

people frequently ask me this question:

how do i stop giving a sh*t about what other people think?

my answer?

you can’t.

i kid. but not really. the truth is, anyone who isn’t a sociopath is going to care what other people think.

so, the question is flawed. i’ll explain.

i have a friend who acts without attachment to the opinions of others. i have always viewed her as a mythical creature possessing a skill i desperately desired. we were hanging out a few years ago when i asked her, “have you always been able to not care what other people think?” i can clearly remember how i felt when she replied, “i’ve always been this way. it’s just who i am.”

it was a gut punch.

dang. so, what? i’m destined to be stuck in this perpetual cycle of people pleasing for the rest of my life?

now, i’m not saying that answer wasn’t true for her. in fact, i believe it is and i believe it is for many. the problem was, i wasn’t the many.

and if you are not the many either, keep reading…

first, let’s change the question:

how can i care deeply, AND not give a sh*t?

friend, you can learn how to care deeply AND not give a sh*t. you can hear the opinions of others AND not be stopped by them. you can learn to process feedback as feedback AND not take it as a personal attack. you can learn to understand that other people are sharing their experiences of you AND not take on their experiences as your own truth.

now, this is an individual conversation filled with individual answers, but from my experience– both as a coach and as someone who lived most of her life addicted to attention and approval; most of us who are in the cycle of people-pleasing have equated our safety and stability with making others happy.

i will be okay if everyone else is okay.

the danger here is that when we outsource our stability, safety, and security; we are not in control of the one thing we have any control over: OURSELVES.

we become paranoid in our compulsive obsession of what other people are thinking, preoccupied with personal manipulation in an attempt to please them, and completely sacrificing self in the process.

you can care deeply and not be stopped by their opinions, but in order to do that, you have to be willing to confront and heal your relationship to your own judgments of you.

nothing anyone says about you has the power to shake you; unless there is a part of you that believes the things they are saying.

we have to first, heal our relationship with our reflection.

when there is no longer personal pain projected, we are much better equipped to take action on our goals without weaving our judgments into the conversation pretending they belong to others.

i’d love to hear your thoughts…

xo

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[numb]


⁣⁣
⁣⁣[ < numb > ]

unfortunately ⁣
we have become ⁣⁣⁣⁣
a comfortably numb⁣⁣⁣⁣
⁣zombie ⁣⁣⁣society ⁣⁣⁣of addicts ⁣⁣⁣⁣
chugging down⁣⁣⁣⁣
our cough medicine ⁣⁣⁣⁣
of choice ⁣⁣⁣⁣
⁣⁣⁣⁣
terrified to ⁣⁣
feel ⁣⁣
unwilling to ⁣⁣
confront ⁣⁣
our pain ⁣⁣⁣⁣
terrified of ⁣
our unapologetic⁣
wild passion⁣
⁣⁣
lives spent ⁣⁣
committed to ⁣⁣⁣⁣
dulling ⁣⁣
the truth ⁣⁣⁣⁣

numbing ⁣
has no discernment⁣
we choose ⁣
no pain⁣
we choose ⁣
no joy ⁣

so our soul ⁣⁣sits ⁣⁣
in hospice ⁣⁣
we lie ⁣⁣
not living ⁣⁣
waiting ⁣⁣
to die ⁣⁣
numbed out ⁣⁣⁣⁣
dumbed down ⁣⁣⁣⁣
committed ⁣⁣
to our not feeling ⁣⁣
⁣⁣
i used to ⁣⁣
i used to ⁣⁣
not feel ⁣⁣

it was not⁣⁣
until i ⁣⁣
learned to ⁣⁣
be with ⁣⁣⁣⁣
what was ⁣⁣
what is ⁣⁣
really real  ⁣⁣⁣⁣
that i ⁣⁣
helped my body ⁣⁣
truly heal ⁣⁣
⁣⁣
for years ⁣⁣
i thought i was ⁣⁣
comfortable⁣⁣
but i was only numb ⁣


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who’s got your back?

support: give assistance to; to give encouragement to someone or something because you want him, her, or it to succeed; suggest the truth of.

friend, we’re not supposed to do this whole “life” thing alone.

but, if you’re anything like the me i used to be, asking for help can feel super hard to do. it sounds easy enough in theory, but in real life? practically impossible.

i felt like being able to do it alone was an achievement i should be striving for. and every time i fell short, it was one more thing to add to the long list of things i sucked at.

it was one more way i just couldn’t get it together…

one more thing to beat myself up about…

i remember feeling like i was weak and incapable if i “had” to ask for help. it was if i was saying, “i can’t do this alone.” and that made me a loser. at least that’s what my head talk was telling me.

but friend, we are NOT SUPPOSED TO do life alone. we’re best when we’re supported and we have peeps that have our back.

giving support and receiving support is human.

we are not robots and despite the amount of time we spend on our phones and computers, we require human connection.

i truly believe support can relieve both anxiety and depression. there is something so profoundly powerful about knowing we’re not alone.

and when it comes to achievement? to reaching your goals and dreams?

your human brain is not wired to bring the best out of yourself. your brain is designed with safety as it’s number one priority. “keep this human alive” is its commitment.

so, we need people. people who see what we’re capable of and who are willing to stand beside us while we unbecome everything we are not.

tribe.


people who reflect our truth and who are brave enough to lovingly confront us on our bullshit stories.

so, let’s break this down.

there are 5 main ingredients to an incredible support system:

1. an accountability partner:

this is someone you’ll check in with on a daily basis who will help keep you on track with the activities you’ve committed to executing. there’s nothing like having a person expecting you to check in with them to motivate you to get a thing done!

2. a mastermind group:

this is a small group of people (ideally 4-7) who meet at a predetermined time. what i dig the most about a mastermind is you get to utilize the collective intelligence of the group. you can present ideas, struggles, projects, speeches, etc and benefit from the peer mentoring inside the group. for me, the ideal mastermind would have people from backgrounds unique to mine so i may gain perspectives i don’t currently have.

3. a personal coach:

you don’t have to be in an incredible amount of struggle or pain or trauma to need a coach. you CAN be, but it’s not a requirement. the best coaches help bring out the best in you. i heard my coach say at one point,

“the only people who need coaches are those who want to achieve their goals and dreams.”

pretty much.

4. a mentor:

a mentor is a person who is in your business or a similar industry who has done what you want to do and gone where you want to go. their role is to teach and offer guidance.

5. live events:

it is important that we get out of our normal routine for learning. there’s something that shifts when we’ve inconvenienced ourselves with the investment of time, energy, and money to travel and get in a room outside of our typical habits and routines. we’re telling our brain, “hey. pay attention. this thing here is important.” plus, we get the added benefit of connecting with likeminded people and their energy is contagious. in a live event, learning is magnified, deepened, and the ripple effect is tangible.

so, there you have it. the five main ingredients of a dope support system.

one of my clients recently asked, “do we need all 5 or will just a couple work?”

GREAT question!

a couple would work.

AND, the more you have, the stronger your success team will be. and you my friend, YOU are worthy of a world class success team.

do you need support?

email me : michelle@coachmichellemoore.com

xoxo

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