Winning at all costs

I spent much of my life rushing to a finish line that didn’t exist + while missing the journey that did⁣

I was working for my worthiness like it was a thing waiting for me at the end of my never-ending to do list ⁣

Earlier this year, my body let me know she was done tolerating what she’d been tolerating (amazingly well!) for so many years ⁣

She got sick⁣

My diet had to be completely overhauled, I was in adrenal fatigue + I was realllllll close to walking myself right into an Autoimmune Disease ⁣

See, one of my programmed patterns is to fight — push though⁣

If you’re like me, I know you get it ⁣

I learned this probably in a similar way you learned it… ⁣

By watching + listening to my parents, teachers, leaders + society in general preach the “Work Harder! Do More! Perform Better! Be Stronger!  Win at all costs! There’s only ONE seat at the table!” battle cry⁣

But the ones who sacrificed the most…⁣

They never really won or got that seat because the game they were playing was unending – never over⁣

But that didn’t stop me from trying to be the ONE – the winner they spoke about ⁣

☝🏻 F * * K     T H A T⁣

I could have killed myself and our “perform for your worthiness patriarchal culture” would have stepped right over my dead body + kept on moving ⁣

 

➡️ l needed to learn that I already had that seat I was hoping to earn ⁣

➡️ I needed to learn to choose me instead of waiting to be chosen by them ⁣

➡️ I needed to learn that getting things done was more important than me doing things ⁣

➡️ I needed to learn that collaboration is better than competition ⁣

➡️ I needed to learn that a table with only one seat is a table built on fear⁣

➡️ I needed to learn that rest is as — if not more — important than work⁣

➡️ I needed to learn how to slow down ⁣

➡️ I needed to learn that it could be safe to slow down + I needed to do the work to make it safe⁣ in my body

☝🏻 Those are practices ⁣

Those are practices I practice daily + they are practices I share with the entrepreneurial women I coach ⁣

Look, I get it⁣

⁣It’s hard to relax⁣⁣

You feel guilty + lazy because there’s so much you should be + could be doing⁣


And even on those days where you do choose to take it easy you end up feeling worse than you did before you took the day off so you promise yourself you won’t do that again anytime soon⁣

You tell yourself that you’ll rest after this thing is done or after you take care of this one more task, but there’s always one more task⁣

You tell yourself + others that you’re at the bottom of your to do list when the truth is you’re not even on it ⁣

I know what you’re afraid of⁣

👉🏻 You’re scared if you stop you won’t start up again⁣

👉🏻 You don’t trust yourself or your body ⁣

👉🏻 You’re afraid of losing your edge⁣

It makes sense⁣

After all, this work ethic is why you’re so successful⁣

(or maybe I’m the only one who thought those things + felt that way)⁣

The truth is, my work HAS changed⁣

No longer do I subscribe to the belief that hard work itself makes me intrinsically virtuous or worthy of reward <– as the definition of work ethic explains

AND

That doesn’t mean I don’t work well – I do

Since making these personal transformations…

✅ I’m more productive⁣

✅ I’m more focused ⁣

✅ I’m more creative ⁣

✅ I’m more inspired ⁣

✅ I’m more organized ⁣

✅ I’m more fluid ⁣

☝🏻 And that’s not all…⁣

✅ I begin my days with me, not with work⁣

✅ My sleep patterns + sleep schedule are more consistent ⁣

✅ I have created + upheld boundaries around my time + my calendar

✅ I say “No” without apologizing, guilt + self-shame

✅ I go on weekly dates with my wife ⁣

✅ I play with my puppies ⁣

✅ I go for walks ⁣

✅ I take breaks + naps

✅ I practice yoga ⁣

✅ I practice meditation⁣

✅ I have created rituals I use throughout the day that allow me to remain in the present moment

✅ I’ve stopped multi-tasking (as much 😉)⁣

✅ I am doing what I want to do ⁣

✅ My body is healthy⁣

Friend, if you’ve got yourself convinced that your unrelenting discipline is serving you, I get it⁣

For years you could not have convinced me otherwise + I have no interest in convincing you, but if you’re tired of feeling exhausted, tense, resentful, stressed out, anxious, secretly out of control while pretending to be in control, overwhelmed + in pain, comment below or send me an email

There’s another way⁣
I promise⁣

xx

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