What if you just decided…?

I recently posted a version of the following on Facebook:

What if you decided to drop your stories?

What if you decided that everything happening in your life was happening for your highest good?

What if you decided to no longer label anything as good or bad or right or wrong and decided that things simply were?

What if you decided to allow your emotions and circumstances to flow over you, around you, and through you; instead of desperately clinging to them in an attempt to control and manipulate the outcome?

What if you decided right now that you are enough and while you might desire personal growth and expansion, there’s not one single thing wrong with you that needs fixing?

What if you decided to play and to enjoy life as it unfolds for you?

What if you decided to embrace uncertainty, knowing that from this place, all things are possible?

What would happen then?

 

I invite you to not only read, but actually answer the questions.

I did.

Allow me to share:

What if you decided to drop your stories?

What trips me up the most is the story in my head about how I expect things to be, what I “should be doing”, and what things “mean”.  If I decided that I would drop the stories, I would no longer hold onto things as “wrong” or “bad” and I would be more equipped to move through life’s circumstances with greater ease and joy.  I believe things would get solved more quickly and move through faster because I wouldn’t be clinging to them in my attempt to categorize or create meaning.

 

What if you decided that everything happening in your life was happening for your highest good?

This one is big for me.  HUGE.  I’d relax more.  I’d lean into life.  I’d spend more time present.  I’d trust more.  I wouldn’t freak out or lose my sh*t when things didn’t go my way.  I’d be more flexible.  I’d actually seek out what’s good.  I wouldn’t fight against “what is” believing it to be wrong.  I’d know that no matter what was unfolding, it was all perfect for me — happening FOR me and not TO me.  Albert Einstein is quoted saying, “The most important question you can ever ask is if the world is a friendly place.”

 

 

What if you decided to no longer label anything as good or bad or right or wrong and decided that things simply were?

I’d be happier.  I’d be more curious.  I’d be less angry in my judgments.  I’d experience less disappointment.  I’d ask more questions.  I’d listen to more answers.  I’d attempt to understand instead of operating from my own assumptions.  I’d be more open to possibilities.  I’d learn more about other beliefs and cultures and I’d have the opportunity to have my own beliefs stretched.  I’d experience more expansion and deepen my growth.  I’d have more compassion for my sisters and brothers on this planet.  I’d love more and I’d love harder.

 

 

What if you decided to allow your emotions and circumstances to flow over you, around you, and through you; instead of desperately clinging onto them in an attempt to control or manipulate the outcome?

I’d experience less physical pain.  I’d be more relaxed and less tense since I would no longer feel the need to hold so tightly.  I’d be more present to my feelings, but I’d let them go.  I’d be more at peace and experience less anger and resentment.  I’d be lighter — physically and energetically — because I wouldn’t be carrying around so much baggage.   I’d have less stress lines and wrinkles, my jaw would be more relaxed, and the tension in my shoulders would dissipate.   I’d be more open, knowing that there was no longer a need to protect myself energetically.

 

 

What if you decided right now that you are enough and while you might desire personal growth and expansion, there’s not one single thing wrong with you that needs fixing?

I’d stop trying so hard to be better, to do things right, and to be perfect.  I’d speak boldly and courageously and I’d share my truth with confidence.  I would know that your “like” is not necessary to validate my existence or affirm my message.  I’d show up authentically and expose my soul to you.  I’d love myself exactly as I am right now.  I’d look in the mirror and celebrate my powerful body instead of picking apart every tiny “flaw”.  I’d eat and move and drink like I love myself instead of coming from a place of hate.  I’d be more supportive, encouraging, and nourishing.  My personal development choices would come from my desire to be of the highest service to you, not because I believe there is anything wrong with who I am.  I’d stop searching for external validation and check in more with the desires of my heart.  I’d stop pretending.  There’d simply be no need to do so.

 

 

What if you decided to play and to enjoy life as it unfolds for you?

I’d have a lot more fun.  A lot more fun.  I’d laugh more.  I’ve actually heard some claims that children laugh more than 300 times a day, whereas adults laugh less than 20 times a day.  I’d be more childlike in my joy.  I would appreciate moments and stop trying to rush through beauty on the way to something I’ve deemed “more important”.  I’d be more curious about what was coming and approach life with a childlike wonder.  I’d be less controlling of the time and other people and since I can’t control either, I’d experience less irritation when my attempts to control don’t work.

 

What if you decided to embrace uncertainty, knowing that from this place, all things are possible?

I would experience more moments of calm and a lot less overwhelm.  This is so real for me right now as I build my business and gain clarity on who I want to serve and much more importantly, who wants to be served by ME.  I’d feel more open and excited and curious about what could happen.  I’d appreciate the abundance of options and opportunities and see it as a good thing, not something negative.  I’d have and experience a lot more gratitude and therefore would attract more people and circumstances to be grateful for.  I’d be excited about the future instead of anxious about moving in the best direction or doing the “right thing”.

 

Wow.

 

I really like the person who decided.

She sounds compassionate, peaceful, easy-going, trusting, grateful, faithful, grounded, expansive, and open.  She sounds fun, joyful, calm, curious, loving, and relaxed.  She sounds like someone I’d like to be more often.  It’s comforting to know she’s only a decision away.

 

Are you willing to answer the questions?  If so, I’d love to hear from you!  Who would you be?  What would happen if YOU just decided?

 

xo,

Michelle

 

 

When you don’t feel “merry” or “bright”…

 

 

I wasn’t in the mood for Christmas.  I simply was not feeling “merry” or “bright” this season.

 

I spent the morning of Christmas Eve sitting in my car with tears streaming down my face, feeling a sadness and a loss and a heaviness on my heart.  It felt different than I’ve felt before and I was worried about myself.  Was I depressed?  I’d been kind of down for the couple days prior and it seemed to be getting worse.

 

To be fully transparent, there were a few external factors that could have contributed to my mood:

  1. We didn’t decorate.
  2. We didn’t buy presents.
  3. We weren’t with family.

However, all of those were deliberate and intentional choices.

We closed on our first home just 3 days after Christmas and we had a lot happening this year.

SO…

  1.  Frankly, the thought of decorating was unappealing.
  2. Our monies were on lock-down due to the closing and any presents we were giving and getting were going to be after we closed and for our new home.
  3. Traveling to Ohio or Michigan or Maryland to be with family didn’t feel like the best choice this year and it wasn’t financially intelligent.

BUT…

With the exception of closing on the house, none of that stuff was “new” for us.

  1.  There have been years past where I wasn’t in the mood to decorate.
  2. There have been a few times over the years where we’ve been down and out financially and were unable to afford gifts.
  3. With family so spread out and jobs in the restaurant industry, there have been many, many years where we’ve not been with family during the holiday.

HOWEVER…

Despite all of the hiccups in the past, we’ve always had our traditions.  We bake cookies and make hot cocoa and drive around looking at neighborhood Christmas lights.  I make cinnamon rolls for breakfast and we talk to family.  We cook dinner, we have drinks, play games, and watch Christmas movies all day.

But this year I didn’t want to do any of it.

Not a single thing.

I just wanted to stay in bed, snuggled under the covers with my pups.

I felt super lonely and simultaneously wanted to be left alone.

 

I felt this emotional sadness until December 26th.  By late afternoon that day I felt better.  I could tell because there was a tangible shift in my energy.

So, while I know we’re now past Christmas and into the new year, I want to share what I did over those few days.

You see, life will deliver you many opportunities to feel overwhelmed and to feel pressured with expectations on how you’re “supposed to” feel.  There will probably be times where you’ll experience sadness, be in “a mood”, feel anxious, or simply find yourself in an unexplainable funk, and if you do, I want you to know there’s hope.

 

1.  I let a couple of people see the “real me”.

 

I allowed myself to been seen in my sadness by a few people I trusted and I knew would hold the space for me to just be.  I texted a friend and told her what was really going on with me.  I told another friend what I felt sad about and allowed myself to be vulnerable and honest with her when she came by work to wish me a Merry Christmas.

When you’re feeling down, it’s important that you don’t hide.  This part of you isn’t “bad”.  It doesn’t deserve to be shunned and punished.  It needs to be loved on and nurtured.

Start by giving that to yourself.  Give yourself permission to feel how you feel.  Tell yourself it’s okay, look in the mirror and say “I love you”, and take your right arm to your left shoulder and your left arm to your right shoulder and squeeze.

Next, find a safe space where you can be seen in your perfectly imperfect, messy, snot-nosed glory.  This might be with your Mom or Dad, a friend, a coach, a mentor, or an accountability partner.  You’re simply looking for a place or a moment in time where you can be who you really are and feel what you’re really feeling.  Oftentimes, you don’t need a discussion.  You simply need someone to know what’s really going on with you.  Another soul with whom you can share your authentic truth.

I am learning that part of emotional intelligence is recognizing that certain situations (my job) do call for me to “pull it together” because my emotional meltdown isn’t their problem, but that doesn’t mean I can’t tell a friend that I’m sad.

 

2.  I didn’t pretend to be happy.  

 

I didn’t put on a “happy face”.  I didn’t “fake it ’til I made it”.  When you’re in this space, I invite you to try and get neutral instead of trying to be happy.  Maybe you’re currently over in Funk-Town.  Please do not try to get to I’m-Super-Cheery-Ville.  In my opinion, it’s waaaaaay too far to travel.  When people ask how you are, you don’t have to say, “I’m awesome!” You can say, “I’m okay.”

There’s a balance between wallowing and complaining (something I do NOT recommend) and just being present with what is.  Oftentimes when we hide what’s real for us it comes from a place of feeling shame, guilt, or embarrassment.  We tell ourselves that we shouldn’t feel this way, that other people have their own problems, and that they don’t need to be “bothered” by us and our feelings.

Who you are and what you’re feeling is no bother.

Who you are and what you’re feeling is exquisite.

 

3.  I cried.

 

You’ve got to express yourself.  Cry, hit a pillow, throw a kicking and screaming tantrum, go to an arcade and throw or shoot something, journal, go for a run, take a kickboxing class, or do whatever else feels honoring to your soul.

Emotions are meant to be felt so they can be released.  No holding back here.  Personally, I cried.  Then I cried again.  Then again.  That’s what felt right to me.  There’s no right or wrong answer here.  You simply want to get the emotions moving.  Trust me, they don’t want to be lodged in your body anymore than you want them there.

 

4.  I rested.

 

When all else fails, take a nap.  Sometimes the only thing to do is close your eyes and catch some zzz’s.  It can often act as a pattern interrupt for the funk.  I’ve found that feeling sad is exhausting and sometimes the tired amplifies my sadness which leads to overwhelm and … {cue vicious cycle}.

You’re allowed to take a nap.

You’re allowed to get a full night of sleep.

You’re allowed to take care of you.

 

 

 

This wasn’t my first funk.  It won’t be my last.  What’s important is that we remember, “Feelings are just visitors, let them come and go.” We don’t have to attach a story about what they mean or what they’re saying about who we are.  We can just sit with them as they move through us.

 

What are the things that YOU do when you find yourself in one of these funks?  I’d love to hear from you!  Please share any questions or comments below.

Wishing you presence in this new year.

xo,

Michelle