i spent years…
so many years…
S O
M A N Y
Y E A R S
trying to become
working to embody
P E R F E C T I O N
i’d convinced myself
i fully believed
P E R F E C T I O N
was the thing
i needed
the finish-line
i had to cross
H A D T O
and IF
if
i could cross that line
if
i could make it
i would be
enough
finally
worthy
of attention
of approval
of love
_______
i was exhausted
continually performing
in an act
a show that never closed
but in my quiet moments
alone
behind the curtain
i raged against me
why is nothing working
i was trying to
do right
speak right
look right
be right
P E R F E C T
_______
i’d perform
then look to you
seeking your applause
searching
for the nod
approval
doing everything i believed was required
to fit
into your version
into your desires
into your belief
into your expectations
of what
of who
of how
i should
be and do
really
my version
my desires
my belief
my expectations
projected
_______
the truth
‘right’ is subjective
it’s relative
and more importantly
what works for you
will not work for me
because i am not you
and i don’t want to be
i want
to be me
_______
my soul
craving
clawing
crying
unleash me
she’d been imprisoned
see
trapped
locked up
by me
and i was looking to you
for the key
seeking permission
to be released
to be free
to be me
to own without apology
the true me
but the permission
i was seeking
had to come from me
you were easier
to blame
to pretend
to make responsible
if you would just give me a break
if you would approve of me
if you would tell me
are you proud of me
you were safer
see
for me
than me
looking to you
i didn’t have to
look to me
go in
turn in
to me
_______
when i went in
when i turned in
when i looked in
when i stopped fighting
against me
when i started fighting
for me
when i gave permission
to me
to be
imperfectly
me
i began loving
me
and i set my soul free
unleashed the real
me
_______