[numb]


⁣⁣
⁣⁣[ < numb > ]

unfortunately ⁣
we have become ⁣⁣⁣⁣
a comfortably numb⁣⁣⁣⁣
⁣zombie ⁣⁣⁣society ⁣⁣⁣of addicts ⁣⁣⁣⁣
chugging down⁣⁣⁣⁣
our cough medicine ⁣⁣⁣⁣
of choice ⁣⁣⁣⁣
⁣⁣⁣⁣
terrified to ⁣⁣
feel ⁣⁣
unwilling to ⁣⁣
confront ⁣⁣
our pain ⁣⁣⁣⁣
terrified of ⁣
our unapologetic⁣
wild passion⁣
⁣⁣
lives spent ⁣⁣
committed to ⁣⁣⁣⁣
dulling ⁣⁣
the truth ⁣⁣⁣⁣

numbing ⁣
has no discernment⁣
we choose ⁣
no pain⁣
we choose ⁣
no joy ⁣

so our soul ⁣⁣sits ⁣⁣
in hospice ⁣⁣
we lie ⁣⁣
not living ⁣⁣
waiting ⁣⁣
to die ⁣⁣
numbed out ⁣⁣⁣⁣
dumbed down ⁣⁣⁣⁣
committed ⁣⁣
to our not feeling ⁣⁣
⁣⁣
i used to ⁣⁣
i used to ⁣⁣
not feel ⁣⁣

it was not⁣⁣
until i ⁣⁣
learned to ⁣⁣
be with ⁣⁣⁣⁣
what was ⁣⁣
what is ⁣⁣
really real  ⁣⁣⁣⁣
that i ⁣⁣
helped my body ⁣⁣
truly heal ⁣⁣
⁣⁣
for years ⁣⁣
i thought i was ⁣⁣
comfortable⁣⁣
but i was only numb ⁣


who’s got your back?

support: give assistance to; to give encouragement to someone or something because you want him, her, or it to succeed; suggest the truth of.

friend, we’re not supposed to do this whole “life” thing alone.

but, if you’re anything like the me i used to be, asking for help can feel super hard to do. it sounds easy enough in theory, but in real life? practically impossible.

i felt like being able to do it alone was an achievement i should be striving for. and every time i fell short, it was one more thing to add to the long list of things i sucked at.

it was one more way i just couldn’t get it together…

one more thing to beat myself up about…

i remember feeling like i was weak and incapable if i “had” to ask for help. it was if i was saying, “i can’t do this alone.” and that made me a loser. at least that’s what my head talk was telling me.

but friend, we are NOT SUPPOSED TO do life alone. we’re best when we’re supported and we have peeps that have our back.

giving support and receiving support is human.

we are not robots and despite the amount of time we spend on our phones and computers, we require human connection.

i truly believe support can relieve both anxiety and depression. there is something so profoundly powerful about knowing we’re not alone.

and when it comes to achievement? to reaching your goals and dreams?

your human brain is not wired to bring the best out of yourself. your brain is designed with safety as it’s number one priority. “keep this human alive” is its commitment.

so, we need people. people who see what we’re capable of and who are willing to stand beside us while we unbecome everything we are not.

tribe.


people who reflect our truth and who are brave enough to lovingly confront us on our bullshit stories.

so, let’s break this down.

there are 5 main ingredients to an incredible support system:

1. an accountability partner:

this is someone you’ll check in with on a daily basis who will help keep you on track with the activities you’ve committed to executing. there’s nothing like having a person expecting you to check in with them to motivate you to get a thing done!

2. a mastermind group:

this is a small group of people (ideally 4-7) who meet at a predetermined time. what i dig the most about a mastermind is you get to utilize the collective intelligence of the group. you can present ideas, struggles, projects, speeches, etc and benefit from the peer mentoring inside the group. for me, the ideal mastermind would have people from backgrounds unique to mine so i may gain perspectives i don’t currently have.

3. a personal coach:

you don’t have to be in an incredible amount of struggle or pain or trauma to need a coach. you CAN be, but it’s not a requirement. the best coaches help bring out the best in you. i heard my coach say at one point,

“the only people who need coaches are those who want to achieve their goals and dreams.”

pretty much.

4. a mentor:

a mentor is a person who is in your business or a similar industry who has done what you want to do and gone where you want to go. their role is to teach and offer guidance.

5. live events:

it is important that we get out of our normal routine for learning. there’s something that shifts when we’ve inconvenienced ourselves with the investment of time, energy, and money to travel and get in a room outside of our typical habits and routines. we’re telling our brain, “hey. pay attention. this thing here is important.” plus, we get the added benefit of connecting with likeminded people and their energy is contagious. in a live event, learning is magnified, deepened, and the ripple effect is tangible.

so, there you have it. the five main ingredients of a dope support system.

one of my clients recently asked, “do we need all 5 or will just a couple work?”

GREAT question!

a couple would work.

AND, the more you have, the stronger your success team will be. and you my friend, YOU are worthy of a world class success team.

do you need support?

email me : michelle@coachmichellemoore.com

xoxo

I was both the ringmaster and the circus animal.

 

 

This image effects me in a deep way…

There is a tightening in my jaw.

A tension in my neck.

A dull, but present ache in my chest.

Once I allowed the sadness to come and wash over me, I sat with my truth.

The truth of what I saw in this disturbing picture.

A version of my punisher.

The part of me that does not like me.

The part of me who spent years telling me that I would be worthy and valuable if – and only if – I achieved perfection.

The part of me who demanded I adjust, assimilate, and accommodate those around me in order to be worthy of their attention.

The part of me who cracked her whip and shouted, “PERFORM!” 

 


 

I was on a call with my coach recently when I was struck with an analogy that created a nauseous feeling in my stomach.

I spent much of my life as a circus animal.

Performing.

Night after night. Show after show.  Doing tricks for applause.  Wearing whatever mask or costume you wanted.  Dancing, standing on my back legs, jumping through rings of fire, or just sitting pretty -poised on a stool waiting for my next instruction.  Working hard.  Working SO hard.  My ferocious work ethic fueled by the hope that I’d get rewarded for making the ringmaster happy.

And if I didn’t?

Back to my cage.  Alone.  To think about what I did.  What I didn’t do. And how I could do more, be more, try harder.  I wasn’t just seeking external validation.  I was inspecting constantly.  And in my inspection, I was internally invalidating myself, my choices, my physical appearance, my performance…

You are wrong.

You are bad.

You are unworthy.

You disgust me.

You are fat.

You are ugly.

Fix this.  Fix that.  Fix everything.

Do more, more, more, MORE!

You are not and never will be enough.

 

“Okay” I said.  Next time.  I will work harder.

And I did.

For years.

 


 

One of the most empowering things I ever did, was taking responsibility for my personal healing and happiness.

But, the most empowering thing I have done to date, was take full ownership of my personal abuse as the abuser.

I was the punisher.

That was my hand striking the blows.

Those were my words coming out of my mouth.

Was this a learned behavior?

Absolutely.

But the source of the learning was no longer doing the abuse.  And keeping myself tethered; a hostage to the teachings was MY doing.

And it was time to own up to that.

Not to abuse myself further.  Not to put one more thing on the list of things to feel bad about.  NO.

Embedded in my personal responsibility was my freedom… my healing.  If I was the one doing it, I was the one who could stop.

You see, for many years I fully believed I deserved to be punished.

But my friends.

When you’re ready to stop.

When you come to the place where you believe you have suffered enough.

You will stop fighting against yourself; fighting against others.

And you will begin to fight for her.

In advocacy.

In love.

Not protection.  She doesn’t need protection if you’re not beating her up.

And in that journey, you will heal the relationship with yourself.

So many of these patterns have been embedded for years.

Please give yourself grace as you travel along your path.

Be patient with yourself as you travel your personal healing journey.

But please keep going.

I promise, you are the one you’re waiting for.

xo,

Michelle

 

 

 

If I may be of any support, please connect with me:

 

Email:  coachmichellemoore@gmail.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/coachmichellemoore/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/coachmichellemoore/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCmA27XKdDoD-ftj75inhoaA?view_as=subscriber

 

 

Do you trust yourself enough to try?

“I am the shore and the ocean, awaiting myself on both sides.” 

― Dejan Stojanovic, The Shape

One week ago today, I was one day home.
Having arrived late on Saturday evening from my most recent trip to California.
Transformed, but in ways not yet fully detectable by me.
Aware of a stirring.
Unsure what it meant or what to do with it.
My friend, have you ever been in that space?
Felt the longing…
Pulling toward something new…
Knowing you don’t belong where you are.
And yet…
Unsure.
Uncertain.
Unclear.
What does it look like?
What’s my next step?
What are the details? 
Who will I be?  
I remember those fears.
They were so powerful.
I felt defenseless to their pull.
Keeping me stuck.
Paralyzed.
Frozen as if cemented.
I write about it in my story…
I was completely terrified to step out into the unknown.
Fearful of the space between where I was and where I wanted to be.
Rather WHO I was and WHO I wanted to be.
I was so scared.
I didn’t want to feel out of control.
I couldn’t.
Out of control was dangerous.
If that’s where you are right now, I honor your fear.
I remember what mine felt like.
It wasn’t that long ago.
What I want you to know is that there is hope.
When you’re ready.
Not before.
When you’re ready.
You’ll stop seeking from the outside in.
You’ll begin connecting from the inside out.
You’ll build trust.
Not with others.
With you.
And from that space you’ll take a step.
Feel it out.
Take another.
Or a different one.
You won’t make “It didn’t work.” mean “I don’t work.  There’s something wrong with me.”
You won’t make “That sucked.” mean “I suck and I can’t do anything right.”
And then?
Then the game will change.
Your soul.
She doesn’t need you to win.
She does need you to not beat the crap out of her for trying.
The peace I felt at the ocean edge was not brought by the ocean.
It came with me.
I know that now.
What you’re seeking lies within.
Always has.
You’re the answer.
You’re the one you’re waiting for.
I trust myself to try.
ImperfectAF.
But trying.
Giving oxygen to my thoughts.
Giving breath to my voice.
Without apology.
Please let me know how I may best serve you on your journey.
I love you.
I so appreciate you being here with me.
I see you.
Your journey is uniquely yours and I celebrate it!
xo,
Michelle

How To Be Empowered Now

 

Earlier today I heard my coach say, “If you really are committed to producing the kind of future that you want; don’t stand in judgment of the past that you didn’t want.  It doesn’t work that way.”

 

I remember the first time I was exposed to this idea.  It was 2016 and I was in the room at a week long coaching certification being held in Los Angeles.    I was pretty stuck in my attachment to my role as a victim in my past.  I grew up with alcoholism and abuse in the home and it impacted how I grew up.  I was sharing this with my coach and he asked, “Could you have left?”  I said an emphatic, “NO!  I was a child.”

 

What followed was one of the most profound things I’d heard and I’ll forever remember how hard it landed.  He said, “I’m not asking should you have left.  I’m asking could you have left?”

 

And the answer was yes.

I could have.

I could have walked out.  I had working legs and access to the door.

 

And me holding myself as a victim to my past with no options; holding onto myself as choice-less – was keeping me attached to that disempowering story.  Keeping me attached to the pain.  Unable to do anything about it.

 

I had created an energetic string between me in the present and my place in my disempowered story of my past.

 

And from that attached place, there was no way I could be empowered in the moment, let alone in the future.

 

While I believe each individual and every situation is personal, at a high-level, I also believe that our ability to be empowered in the future breaks down into 2 main categories:

 

1.  Own that you made a choice.

You have to own that you made a choice.  There is empowerment embedded in the ownership.  We all make the best choices we can in the moment that we make them.  We decide to do, not to do, go, not to go, enter into relationship or conversation… we decide all of these things coming from our highest level of awareness at the time.

If we knew better, we’d do better.  You have to recognize that you didn’t have access to how things would turn out in the future when you made the choice you did; so it’s actually unfair to judge yourself based on the results you didn’t know you’d get.

Earlier today a friend of mine posted Maya Angelou’s famous quote on his Facebook page…

“I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.”

 

My comment on his post leads directly into the second step to empowerment….

 

2.  Stop beating yourself up about said choice.

It is what it is.  Period.  You decided.  You made a choice.  And remember, a “non-choice” is still a choice.  Own it, but please, please, please don’t hold judgment for yourself for what you did/said/experienced when you didn’t know better.

Acceptance doesn’t have to come with self-abuse.  Beating yourself up about it isn’t going to help.  At all.  And yet, so many of us are deeply raging against our own selves.  Calling ourselves dumb, worthless, failures, and a torrent of other obscenities that we’d never dare verbalize for fear that we’d be committed.

Once you’ve taken ownership, you’re free to make a new choice.

 

 

Here’s what we want to remember:

Our being at choice is empowering.
But, being a victim to the actions of others is easier.

Or as my coach, Sean Smith, says, “Blame is so much easier than responsibility.  But I’ve never known it to solve a person’s problems.”

Holding someone else to blame requires them to change for us to feel better.  And that may never happen.

If you want to be empowered NOW, you’ll want to own your choices.

At least as options.

Possibilities.

Because in possibility, there is hope.

Hope for your healing.

 

xo,

Michelle

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

surrender

{surrender}
psst
you don’t need to add
you don’t need to become
anything
anyone
the “work” is surrender
letting go
releasing your death grip
your clingy grasp
on all that is not love and light
but i get how you think you need it
control
i believed i couldn’t survive without it
control
41 years
you couldn’t convince me otherwise
i’m not trying to convince you now
hold on as long as it serves you
and it serves
and hold on long after it doesn’t
if you want
it served me for years
and i held on long after
i couldn’t trust
so i had to control
when you become aware
you will have a choice
to hold
to tighten
or to let go
and if you choose
surrender
you will fall
and that can be scary
or exhilarating
perspective
but my commitment
is to create
is to hold
loving space
for you
as you fall
i will wait
i will welcome your landing
home
 
xo

Insignificant: too small or unimportant to be worth consideration

I had this heavy, gnawing, nagging feeling last week.  It stayed with me for most of the day on Tuesday.
Okay, to be honest, I’m probably being a tad bit dramatic.
It wasn’t MOST of the day, but it was present.
It was weighing me down and I didn’t like how I was feeling.
It was at about 9:30pm that evening when I connected with the feeling.
I felt insignificant.
I N S I G N I F I C A N T
Ugh.
Frankly, I don’t like admitting that, but it’s real.
My coach says, “Use your language to prescribe your future, not describe your past.” <– Brilliant, right?
And yet, just one week ago I was totally stuck.
Bogged down in my story of my insignificance.
Does this ever happen to you?
One moment you’re “crushing it” and totally on purpose and then then next moment, well, not so much.
Do you feel like your mood and energy can swing?
Sometimes week to week, but sometimes day to day?
And then there are other days where you feel all over the place on a moment to moment basis?
If you said yes, you are not alone.
I can feel strong and empowered and totally badass and then in the next moment feel like I am never going to match up.
Never going to be enough.
After some journaling and deliberate writing, I had uncovered the catalyst.
I had clarity on where the insignificance was coming from.
I could see the truth of my actions.
Or more accurately, the truth of my INACTIONS.
I had accidentally stopped all self care.
Without realizing it, I’d abandoned all 1:1 connection time with me.
I had ceased scheduling any time for reflection or quiet time.
My boundaries were non-existant.
had been doing an awesome job at clearing time out in my day for meditation.
had been blocking out specific time to intentionally create and time to sit in a feedback-less environment.
had been taking baths in silence without my phone.
had been journaling.
had been doing yoga and pilates.
I had been riding my bike and singing.
had been playing.
I had been having dance parties with my dogs.
had been committed to myself and my self care.
was doing all of that.
Until about 3 weeks ago.
You know, when I got busy.
I headed to LA for a 5 day coaching certification.
I came home and received news that my father had a stroke.
I was “behind” on my work and “needed” to get caught up.
I was reacting to whatever issue was popping up in the moment.
Running around like a crazy person putting out fires.
Allowing my schedule to control me instead of creating a schedule that supports my life and happiness.
So, not so suddenly, in rolled the stories of overwhelm.
I told a friend that I felt like I was barely keeping my head above water.
Along with my disempowering stories of overwhelm, came the lies about how I’m not enough while simultaneously being too much.
I was pretty much sitting in a feeling of overall unworthiness.
Not so “all of a sudden”, these stories were my reality and all I could see was how I didn’t match up.
How I was failing.
And when I feel like that, I disconnect.
Fast.
I isolate.
I go inward.
Not for reflection, but to hide.
And then I want alcohol.
I feel like I “need” a drink.
You know, to relax.
I tell myself that I can’t relax and get centered without alcohol.
More lies.
I very quickly slide down the slippery slope.
It’s incredible how fast we can get there.
To that place.
I began crafting this story about how my busy-ness is a badge of honor.
How “I’m SOOOOOO busy..” {insert eye roll} and then I cling to that busyness as my excuse for why I’m not preforming.
Not recording videos.
Not emailing you.
Not editing my book.
Not emailing my prospective editor.
Not creating what I feel called to create.
Then in my downward spiral, I noticed something…
When I’m in this disempowered, “I’m so insignificant” place, I don’t TRULY celebrate others.
I can’t.
I don’t have the capacity to do so.
Sure, I can applaud and celebrate at a surface level, but it comes from an energetically weak and disempowered place.
Tuesday night I affirmed to a sister in my tribe, “You’re so great!”, but underneath that statement was the truth.. my truth..
It wasn’t “You’re so great.”  
It was “You’re so much better than me.”
And those 2 sentences are totally different.
So, what did I DO?
Awareness is awesome.
But, ACTION is the only thing that will move the needle.
Read on…
Side note: 
What follows are broad and over-arching tips from my personal experience.  If you want specifics for YOU, I encourage you to email me so we may set up a free consultation call.  True transformation will happen when you’ve got someone speaking specifically to YOU about YOUR issue and YOUR sabotage patterns.
Alrighty,

Here’s what I did:

1.  I admitted what was happening.

Instead of pretending, I was real with myself.  I owned my feeling and said out loud, “I feel insignificant and I’m hiding.”  

2.  I reached out for help.

I texted a trusted sister coach and I told her what I was experiencing emotionally.  That being said, I don’t encourage you text a friend who will wallow in your disempowering story with you.  Reach out to someone who is loving, but who will advocate for the highest version of you.  And, someone you trust.  Someone you feel safe being real with.  This could be an accountability partner, a therapist, or a coach.

3.  I journaled.

Deliberate writing is a concept I learned where we write out a question on the top of a page and write non-stop for 10-15 minutes.  Even if you cannot think of anything to say, you just keep writing.  Pen to paper.  For the entire time.  There may or may not be any solutions that come out of the journaling, but it definitely helps to do what a client of mine calls “word vomit”.  Get it out.  Out of YOU and onto the paper.  Feelings have got to be expressed if we want them to leave.  If they’re not expressed, they will stay stuck in you forever.  Emotions that we bury alive never, ever die.

4.  I unplugged.

I turned off the computer and turned off my cell phone.  I took a break and walked away from my desk.  It’s super helpful to remove yourself from the environment you’re in.  Go outside.  Change rooms.  Go for a drive or a walk.  Changing your environment can have an extremely powerful impact on transitioning your energy.

5.  I didn’t try to change how I was feeling.

I didn’t need to discuss it in great detail, but I allowed it to be there with me. Don’t rush rush this. If you’re experiencing anger, feel it until you’re done.  If you’re experiencing sadness, feel it until you’re done.  If you’re experiencing any emotion, let it be there.  Feel it so you may be free to feel something else when it passes.  Allow it to take the time it needs to pass.  You don’t need to discuss it and keep it alive AND you don’t need to pretend it’s not there.  Just be.

6. I drank some water, ate a good dinner, and went to bed.

In these moments it is VERY important to nourish your body.  Honor what it needs.  Water is always a good bet.  Lots of water.  It supports the releasing of the toxins in our bodies and hydration always feels good.

7.  I decided that what I was experiencing was a good thing.

Instead of beating myself up and judging the fact that I felt insignificant, I told a different story.  I decided this feeling must be here because I am growing. Stretching myself. I chose to believe that it was good that I had this experience so that I could become aware of what SIGNIFICANCE feels like.  The truth is, we need contrast.  Plus, it inspired me to write this blog post!  Winner.
What if you just decided that everything that was happening to you was working for your highest good?  All of it?
What if you just decided to be curious instead of judgemental?
What if you just decidied to stop beating yourself up for being “here” again and recognized that you’re not “there again” you’re HERE NOW?
What if you went to the mirror and told the chick in the reflection that you are proud of her?  That you see her and you love her?
Then what would happen?
What could happen?
What could change?
What if you’d BEEN doing that for the past year?
Where would you be now?
Me?  I coached a client this morning around creating a self care checklist.  Things she can do to love on herself.  I’m doing the same thing.  Creating a list that I can reference and choose from everyday to remind myself that I’m important.  Becasue the insignificant conversation?  That was my way of telling myself that I needed some attention.  Not from anyone else.  From me.
I’m the one I was waiting for.
And the same is true for you.
xo,
Michelle

I quit.

 

I recently read an article by Erika Bruhn.  She says, “The truth is, quitting isn’t really giving up. Maybe, when you look further, the words “I quit” could really reflect a person’s self-awareness, mindfulness, and emotional intelligence. What if we, as friends, family, and colleagues, looked at the act of quitting as empowered, one that creates space for self-reflection, dreaming, and appreciation for what no longer serves someone? Could the prospect of saying those two words inspire a healthier path?  To quit might just be a lean into what is possible and hello to your next healthy step.”

 

This topic has been on my heart for the past few weeks.  I mean, intellectually, I “get it”.  To me, it’s sort of like a spring cleaning of my soul.  My commitment to you, my tribe, is to assess the HOW.

 

That’s what you want to know, right?  I mean, if I were you {and I am!} it is absolutely what I’d want to know.

 

In an anxious and high-strung tone I’d probably say something like, “It sounds great Michelle, but what are the exact steps????????????  If you can tell me, I can and will make it happen.  What’s the ‘right’ way to quit?”  

Here’s how my high-functioning, super-detailed, over-achiever, highly intellectual, perfectionistic brain works:

I want to know…

  • EXACTLY HOW do I do this?
  • What are the EXACT steps I NEED to follow?
  • EXACTLY HOW do I quit?
  • HOW do I figure out EXACTLY what to quit?
  • HOW EXACTLY do I deal with the reactions/responses from those things and people I do quit?
  • Please just tell me EXACTLY HOW to do alllllllllll of it!?!?
  • In fact, why don’t you just tell me what to quit and I’ll do that…

 

On the off chance that you are anything like the me I used to be and the me I sometimes still be, I invite you to read on.

 

But first, take a breath.  {Inhale and exhale through your nose}

And another.  {Inhale and exhale through your nose}

And one more.

But this time make it bigger.

Deeper.

Really breathe.

 

 

Okay, here’s the honest truth, I don’t have all the answers.

BUT WAIT!!!!!!

I’m committed to working through it.  I’m committed to asking questions.  Better questions.  I’m committed to sharing what’s working for me and what’s not.  I’m committed to guiding while I travel and sharing along the way.

With that being said….

 

1.  Get clear on what it actually means to quit.

Quitting has multiple definitions.  Here are a few:

To stop, cease, or discontinue

To give up or resign; let go; relinquish

To free or rid oneself

 

Choose the definition that feels the best to you and add on one {or more} of the following:

… spending time with or on any person, situation, environment, or thing that I actually don’t care about.

… from any person, situation, environment, or thing that depletes my joy.

… any person, situation, environment, or thing that I don’t enjoy or even like.

From this new space, quitting actually becomes imperative to your success, happiness, and overall fulfillment.

2.  Get detailed, specific awareness on what you love and what you don’t love.

It may sound elementary, but make a list.

2 lists actually.

Inspired by both Mark Manson and Sarah Knight and their work in this conversation, I started writing down what I love and what I don’t love.  Things I give a f*ck about and things I simply don’t.  It sounds easy, but from my research, very few of us actually take the time to gain this detailed clarity.

And it’s imperative that you do this before moving to the next step….

 

3.  Stop giving your f*cks to the things you don’t love.

Say what?!

Yup.

We tend to waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy overcomplicate things.

You want the simple solution?

Stop doing sh*t you hate.

Why are you spending any of your time, energy, and effort on things, circumstances, and people that don’t even have the capacity to bring you the joy you’re craving?

If you don’t care about it, if it doesn’t bring you joy, if you’re drained energetically by it, if you hate it.. why are you spending your time there?

Obligation?

Who says?

Who says you HAVE to do a thing?

Can you find another way to make money?

Can you get help doing tasks you don’t enjoy?

Can you trade or barter services?

If you need to remain in a situation or circumstance for a bit longer, can you change your attitude about it?

Let me give you an example…

I realized that I don’t give a f*ck about the restaurant where I work.

WAIT.  Don’t judge.  Or you know what?  Go ahead and judge.

I genuinely don’t care.

You see, the truth is, I care about the guests I serve.  I care about the money I make from that service.  I care about many of the people I work with.   But I don’t care about the company.  It may sound harsh and at first I didn’t want to allow that to be true, but I don’t.  I don’t care.

And when I began to recognize the amount of time, energy, and emotional output I was pouring into a thing that I don’t love or care about I was stunned into silence.  I was mortified.  I was embarrassed at how frivously I was spending my precious f*cks.

And you know what was happening to me energetically?  I was irritated.  Annoyed.  In a bad mood.  Frustrated.  Unhappy.  No fun to work with and no fun to be around.  Why?  Because I was freely throwing my f*cks out and into an environment where I didn’t care.  {facepalm}

And as soon as I stopped?  Wow.  Immediately, I was happier and more fun to work with.  I had an ease and joy about my energy that was palpable.  I took better care of the guests.  I made more money.  I didn’t spend my whole shift fighting.

So.  Much.  Better.

 

 

 

So, it starts with understanding that winners DO quit.  They just quit the right things.

Next comes the clarity.  What do you enjoy?  What drains you?  What do you love?  What do you hate?  What do you REALLY give a f*ck about?

Finally, comes the choice.  Do MORE of what you LOVE and less of what drains you.  Do MORE of what you ENJOY and less of what you hate.  Stop spending your precious time, your mental, spiritual, physical energy, emotional energy, and limited number of f*cks on the things you don’t actually care about.

 

I get that it might not be an immediate switch, but if the things that you’re doing, the conversations you’re having, and the work you’re committed to don’t even have the CAPACITY to fulfill you, it might be time to start packing….

 

xo,

Michelle

a glimpse : my hate/love relationship with my body and working out

At the beginning of this month, I made a commitment to begin working out.
Again.
Up until March 2, I had been doing yoga {inconsistently}, but I had stopped doing cardio and lifting weights.
Part of this was intentional and part of it seemed to slip away without my noticing.

Has this ever happened to you?
One day you wake up and you realize you’re no longer doing something you used to do?
It’s like, “Wait… When did that stop????”

You may or may not know this, but I used to be someone who worked out.
A lot.
Aggressively.
In fact, in another life, I taught classes at a women’s gym and I dabbled in personal training.
And I was intense.
I taught kickboxing classes and hiphop and strength training and I pushed myself and others.
HARD.
People loved it and I loved seeing their results.
I watched and encouraged women to grow and embrace their inner strength.
A strength that oftentimes, they had forgotten was inside of them.

However, it wasn’t pure.
You see, my personal reasons for working out were rooted in a very dark place.
In one breath, I was encouraging and speaking love into other women and using the same eyes and mouth, I would go home and inspect, pick apart, and criticize my own body in the mirror.
I was constantly searching for areas that needed to be “fixed” or “worked on” or “improved”.

Even after I stopped teaching, my reasons for going to the gym still stemmed from this unhealthy place.  If I didn’t workout for a few days, I would freak out fearing that… that I was getting fat or gaining weight or that my round face had become even more round.  I just knew that my belly was pooching out and that my arms and butt had suddenly become flabby.

Years later, as I began digging more deeply into my own personal development, I realized and came face to face with a harsh reality.
My motivation for working out was rooted in hate.
I hated my body and I felt the need to “whip it” into shape.
I was working out from a place of fear.
Fear of getting “fat”, fear of gaining any weight, fear of what you {me} might say if my stomach wasn’t flat and my arms weren’t ripped.

When I had this realization at the end of 2016 and began the journey of deepening my own self-love, I went to the opposite extreme.  I didn’t want to do anything that didn’t feel good to my body.  I revisited yoga, but I avoided any intense workout.  I didn’t want to push my body at all.  HIIT workouts and bootcamps terrified me and I hid from them.

All I wanted was to love my body and I didn’t know how to do that while working out the way I used to.  And, if I’m honest, there was a part of me that was afraid if I went “there” in the gym, I would go back “there” mentally and I was not going to let that happen.

The truth was, I didn’t trust myself.

This pattern continued for awhile and then one day last year, I allowed myself to get reacquainted with cardio and weights.  I found ways to move that felt really good to me.  I didn’t work out all the time, but I was working out and I was feeling pretty awesome.

But, at the end of last year, I fell ill.  And then came the holidays.  In December we bought our first home, in January and early February I was out of town for 10 days, and then we packed up our apartment and moved into our home.  All semblance of routine was lost to me and so were my workouts.

 I woke up at the beginning of this month and realized that I had literally stopped working out.
Like, I was not doing it.
At all.
I didn’t give the new realization a ton of attention.  I simply had the awareness, took ownership in accepting it for what it was, and took action to change.

  1. I got myself some accountability {the closest thing you can get to a “secret sauce” to success} around working out.
  2. I forced my ego to start small by committing to 3 workouts a week.
  3. I gave myself permission to have a do-over.

I have worked out 3 times a week every week this month and I’m feeling terrific!  I’m exploring new workouts like barre and pilates and I’m noticing what I enjoy and what I don’t.  I’m finding what feels good to me and it’s actually been a lot of fun!


But.  It has not been easy.


Despite muscle memory, if you haven’t worked out in awhile, you simply cannot just jump back in where you left off.  Expecting that you “should” be able to… well, that can lead to disappointment and frustration.  You might start to feel like you suck or even begin to beat yourself up for what you feel you’ve “lost”.  Please don’t do this.  It will serve ONLY to delay future progress.


The reality is, you’ve got to build momentum and strength and recondition your muscles.

This process will take time

Consistent effort.

Practice.


In fact, progress in any area of your life will follow a similar pattern.

MASSIVE results typically take time.

Consistent effort.

Practice.


HOWEVER.

Remember, recognize, and celebrate that you ARE making progress.

Small steps are still steps.


Here’s the truth:

You can make a decision to change and then you will spend every day moving forward actually changing.

Sometimes you will have to modify things because you simply don’t have the energy to go “full-out”.

That’s okay.

What’s important is that you keep showing up.

Keep giving your very best.

But recognize that “your very best” is relative and “your very best” may look different day to day or moment to moment.


Now?

I workout because I love the energy I create and feel.

I love knowing that I am doing something that is nourishing my physical self.

I love feeling strong.

I love how I feel when I’m done.


You wanna know what else?

My body has changed.

But so has my attitude about it.

I genuinely love what I see when I look in the mirror.

I am in love with all of my perfect imperfections.


I want to encourage you to check your “come from” the next time you head to the gym or to a class or head into the room where you do your at home workout practice.

Why are you there?

Why did you show up today?

Do you love what you’re doing?

If not, why are you still doing it?

Is it necessary to do something you hate?

How can you move your body in a way that feels good to you?

Or, are you not working out at all right now?  Why not?


Or, perhaps you are already coming from a place of love.  Of joy and celebration for your strong and exquisite body.

No matter your “come from”, awareness is the first step.

Comment below.

I would love to hear from you, celebrate in your most precious journey, and offer any support.

 

xo,

Michelle

Life lessons courtesy of my new home…

 


You may or may not know this, but we have recently moved into a new home.
And, a new home = lots of projects.
So, here’s what’s been happening in my world as of late….
Every.  And, I mean EVERY project we have started has taken waaaay longer and required more than we anticipated.
More shopping.
More time.
More effort.
Every time we think, “YES!!!  We’ve got everything we need!” we find ourselves back in the Jeep (often with what we just purchased) and headed back to Home Depot or Lowes.
Here’s what I know for sure:
Every person and every situation can be your teacher.  There are lessons in all things if you’re open to receiving.
What I want to share today are a few of the mic drop truths my new home has been teaching me:

1.  Just jump in and get started.

 

The truth is, if you are doing something that you’ve never done before, there is literally NO WAY you are going to know exactly how long it will take or what will ultimately be required.

Even if you’ve “done research”.

Even if you’ve “asked around”.

Attempting to know the unknowable will keep you frustrated and stuck in inaction, clinging to your BS excuse as to why you have yet to “go for it”.

Even if you attempt a guess at the time and effort required, you’ll probably underestimate.  That’s what we do as humans.

And then you’ll get irritated that it’s taking longer than it is “supposed to”.

Does this cycle sound familiar?

My 2 cents?

Stop planning so much.

Stop trying to know the unknowable.

Jump in and start.

The truth is, you will not know what you actually need or what you really want until you begin.  The specific details and your true desires will not be revealed while you’re sitting on your couch thinking.

They will ONLY gain clarity while you are taking action.

2.  Your “microwave mentality” isn’t serving you.

 

That being said, I get it.

It’s how you’re programmed.

You want results immediately.

And by immediately, I mean yesterday.

You’re a human.  So am I.

There is a part of me that wants my results yesterday too.

But that’s not going to happen.
And, my expectations that it SHOULD will keep me frustrated, aggravated, exasperated and NOT celebrating all of the little wins along the way.
And the truth is, there have been a lot of little wins.
BUT.
If I keep looking at what’s not yet complete, if I focus on what we still have to do, I will continue to feel behind, overwhelmed, so busy, and like “I just can’t get it together” all of which is BULLSHIT.
Do yourself a favor and drop the microwave mentality.
Go on and gift yourself some celebration.
You deserve it.
Look at how much you have done, how much you are accomplishing, how far you’ve come, and give yourself a well deserved high-five!

3.  The joy really is in the journey.

 

This phrase is repeated a lot and to be honest, I used to roll my eyes when I heard it.

But it’s TRUE.

The fun, the joy, the laughter, and all of the memories are made during the process.

Here’s what’s true, all of the memories I have when I think about our home are of the silly things that have happened along the way.

When I think of my laundry room I chuckle at the number of times Amanda had to go back and forth to Home Depot and Lowes.

I do wonder if the neighbors have seen us naked because there was a good week or so that we didn’t have any blinds.

There’s blood on our wall from when our friend helped us re-wire a light in our kitchen and he got electrocuted and there’s part of me that doesn’t want to paint over it.

We’ve ate dinner on the floor and the stairs and we’ve since upgraded to a card table which doubles as my office since my desk is still on the deck about 3/4 of the way sanded.
The truth is, the “old me” used to want all the things to be done perfectly and immediately.  And anything less would create stress and anxiety.
Now I know that perfection is an unattainable lie.
My home?
It is perfectly imperfect and I love it.
I love how it’s unfolding.
I love how it’s revealing itself to me.
I love the process and what I can now say with absolute certainty is, the joy really is in the journey.
You know, life is fun if you allow it to be.
When we change our perspective, when we change how we’re looking at things, the things we are looking at change.
I want to encourage you to stop.
Stop rushing to be done.
Stop rushing to arrive.
Stop chasing the achievement.
Stop hustling to get “there”.
How often are you not fully present because you’re racing to be somewhere else?
You’re missing out.
You’re missing out on memories.
You’re missing out on fun.
You’re missing out on joy and belly laughs.
I can almost guarantee that whatever you’re striving to accomplish will take you longer and potentially be waaay more involved and/or complicated that you anticipated.
But I can also almost guarantee that if you take the pressure off, relax and enjoy the process, you’ll create beautiful memories with friends and loved ones.
There will be more laughter.
More joy.
More learning.
More fun.
xo,
Michelle