[ < me > ]

when I think about  the me i now be  i cannot help  but remember the me  i used to be  the me  who helped me to be the me that  i now be the me i thought  i could never  would never  be capable  able  to be  i reflect on the  anger  that would ooze from the me  i used to be  unfiltered hate igniting  the combustion  of my rage flames inundating me  bombarding  everything  in the vicinity  of my firestorm  like Midas...

[ < firestarter > ]

the cannibalistic cycle ⁣⁣of miserable determination ⁣⁣consumed by the me ⁣⁣i now be ⁣⁣⁣⁣the fire ⁣⁣still alive in me ⁣⁣transformed ⁣⁣by me⁣⁣the scathing, self-loathing ⁣⁣giving birth to the breath ⁣⁣of liberation ⁣⁣⁣⁣finally willing to feel ⁣⁣the flames ⁣⁣allowing them to melt ⁣⁣all of the me ⁣⁣i spent my life⁣⁣pretending to be ⁣⁣the pretty me⁣⁣the polished...

[ < numb > ]

⁣⁣⁣⁣ unfortunately ⁣we have become ⁣⁣⁣⁣a comfortably numb⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣zombie ⁣⁣⁣society ⁣⁣⁣of addicts ⁣⁣⁣⁣chugging down⁣⁣⁣⁣our cough medicine ⁣⁣⁣⁣of choice ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣terrified to ⁣⁣feel ⁣⁣unwilling to ⁣⁣confront ⁣⁣our pain ⁣⁣⁣⁣terrified of ⁣our unapologetic⁣wild passion⁣⁣⁣lives spent ⁣⁣committed to ⁣⁣⁣⁣dulling ⁣⁣the truth...

[ < i ran > ]

are you willingprepared you can say yes still be scared close your eyes if you need to it lessens the nausea eases the discomfort facing truth sometimes causes i played stayed in the dark for years comforted by the blackness that blocked out the madness making it safe to pretend but if you are willing to dig in reach deep in the closet feel for the package grab it let itgrab youfeel its roughness sharpjagged edges let...

[ < i don't know > ]

i don't know i know it's not cute but it is a hit that feeds the addiction calms the twitching that beast within is becoming extinct she's dying and she's afraid so she rages in her attempts to cling to life she scratches on occasion i can smell her fear i know i no longer need the sanctuary of that old story i know i no longer need the high of your attention i know i no longer need the protection of my pretending i don't know because the...

Who are you?

Be careful who you pretend to be because in all your acting, you may lose sight of who you are my friend... i wrote this long post on instagram earlier and i've spent many moments today questioning.  wondering if maybe the post would've been better received had i put it here in the blog. i hear myself silently judging... maybe it's too long for the gram.  who is reading all this anyway?  no one cares.  this probably isn't what they want to...

[ < permission to be me > ]

i spent years... so many years... S O M A N Y Y  E  A  R  S trying to become working to embody P E R F E C T I O N i'd convinced myself i fully believed P E R F E C T I O N was the thing i needed the finish-line i had to cross H  A  D    T  O  and IF if i could cross that line if i could make it i would be enough finally worthy of attention of approval of love i was exhausted continually performing in an act a show that never closed...

[ < lock up > ]

"It's hard to see a way out, isn't it?" Yesterday I heard my coach say, "We are programmed for protection and dying for connection."  His statement shook me. I felt it in my core. I messaged him back and shared how I had said on a video just a few days prior, my perfection was my protection. I got what he was saying. I FELT both the power and the sadness in his words. So much of who we are is buried underneath who we're pretending to be. My...

Do you trust yourself to try?

One week ago today, I was one day home Having arrived late in the evening from my most recent trip to California Transformed, but in ways not yet fully detectable by me Aware of a stirring Unsure what it meant or what to do with it Have you ever been in that space Felt the longing... Pulling toward something new... Knowing you don't belong where you are And yet... Unsure Uncertain Unclear       What does it look like? What's my...

[ < surrender > ]

psst you don't need to add you don't need to become anything anyone the "work" is surrender letting go releasing your death grip your clingy grasp on all that is not love and light but i get how you think you need it control i believed i couldn't survive without it control 41 years you couldn't convince me otherwise i'm not trying to convince you now hold on as long as it serves you and it serves and hold on long after it doesn't if you want...

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