[ < i ran > ]
are you willing
prepared
you can say yes
still be scared
close your eyes if you need to
it lessens the nausea
eases the discomfort
facing truth sometimes causes
i played
stayed
in the dark for years
comforted by the blackness
that blocked out
the madness
making it safe
to pretend
but if you are willing
to dig in
reach deep in
the closet
feel for the package
grab it
let it
grab you
feel its
roughness
sharp
jagged edges
let it slice you open
bleed
as you
touch
the pain
pull it out
of the closet
unlock
unwrap
uncover
the truth
inside your package
feel the terror
stay
don’t let the sting
scare you away
stare in
dig in
lock eyes
let the
truth
glare back
it’s okay
slam it shut
smack it down
if you can’t
face the reality
of what
you see
reflected
pretending to be blind
does not mean you cannot see
swallow hard
slowly
one eye squeezed shut
one eye barely
peeking
blinking
can i
is it
safe
shudder
tremble
breathe
bravely
slowly reopen
breathe
reach in
both hands
feel the weight of the truth in your palms
let who you are
drip
off
of
your
fingers
as you rub you
on your skin
smear
mess
pain
anger
rage
hate
fire
sadness
loneliness
trauma
regret
doubt
fear
judgment
allow your
muddy
murky
messy
beautiful
truth
to seep into your pores
if you can sit with it
in time it will dry and crack
in time it will fall away
in time love
is what will remain
i wasn’t always willing
to sit
to feel
discomfort used to be
a sign
to go
screaming
STOP
fleeing
running
hiding
i would
shove down
shove
some
thing
some
one
into
my empty space
yesterday i ran in the pouring rain
wailing
gut wrenching sounds
emotions sourced from deep places inside
secret spaces i forgot existed
i breathed hard
pushed hard
i almost puked
twice
my hair soaked
my body trembling
coughing
cold
gasping
calm
knowing
i ran
for a part of me buried
i ran
for a woman i have yet to meet
