permission to be me

 

i spent years…

so many years…

S O

M A N Y

Y  E  A  R  S

trying to become

working to embody

 

P E R F E C T I O N

 

i’d convinced myself

i fully believed

 

P E R F E C T I O N

 

was the thing

i needed

the finish-line

i had to cross

H  A  D    T  O 

and IF

if

i could cross that line

if

i could make it

i would be

enough

finally

worthy

of attention

of approval

of love

_______

i was exhausted

continually performing

in an act

a show that never closed

but in my quiet moments

alone

behind the curtain

i raged against me

why is nothing working

i was trying to

do right

speak right

look right

be right

 

P  E  R  F  E  C  T

 

_______

i’d perform

then look to you

seeking your applause

searching

for the nod

approval

doing everything i believed was required

to fit

into your version

into your desires

into your belief

into your expectations

of what

of who

of how

i should

be and do

really

my version

my desires

my belief

my expectations

projected

_______

the truth

‘right’ is subjective

it’s relative

and more importantly

what works for you

will not work for me

because i am not you

and i don’t want to be

i want

to be me

_______

my soul

craving

clawing

crying

unleash me

she’d been imprisoned

see

trapped

locked up

by me

and i was looking to you

for the key

seeking permission

to be released

to be free

to be me

to own without apology

the true me

but the permission

i was seeking

had to come from me

you were easier

to blame

to pretend

to make responsible

if you would just give me a break

if you would approve of me

if you would tell me

are you proud of me

you were safer

see

for me

than me

looking to you

i didn’t have to

look to me

go in

turn in

to me

_______

when i went in

when i turned in

when i looked in

when i stopped fighting

against me

when i started fighting

for me

when i gave permission

to me

to be

imperfectly

me

i began loving

me

and i set my soul free

unleashed the real

me

_______

 

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