[ < permission to be me > ]

[ < permission to be me> ]

i spent years…

so many years…

S O

M A N Y

Y  E  A  R  S

trying to become

working to embody

P E R F E C T I O N

i’d convinced myself

i fully believed

P E R F E C T I O N

was the thing

i needed

the finish-line

i had to cross

H  A  D    T  O 

and IF

if

i could cross that line

if

i could make it

i would be

enough

finally

worthy

of attention

of approval

of love

i was exhausted

continually performing

in an act

a show that never closed

but in my quiet moments

alone

behind the curtain

i raged against me

why is nothing working

i was trying to

do right

speak right

look right

be right

P  E  R  F  E  C  T

i’d perform

then look to you

seeking your applause

searching

for the nod

approval

doing everything i believed was required

to fit

into your version

into your desires

into your belief

into your expectations

of what

of who

of how

i should

be and do

really

my version

my desires

my belief

my expectations

projected

the truth

‘right’ is subjective

it’s relative

and more importantly

what works for you

will not work for me

because i am not you

and i don’t want to be

i want

to be me

my soul

craving

clawing

crying

unleash me

she’d been imprisoned

see

trapped

locked up

by me

and i was looking to you

for the key

seeking permission

to be released

to be free

to be me

to own without apology

the true me

but the permission

i was seeking

had to come from me

you were easier

to blame

to pretend

to make responsible

if you would just give me a break

if you would approve of me

if you would tell me

are you proud of me

you were safer

see

for me

than me

looking to you

i didn’t have to

look to me

go in

turn in

to me

when i went in

when i turned in

when i looked in

when i stopped fighting

against me

when i started fighting

for me

when i gave permission

to me

to be

imperfectly

me

i began loving

me

and i set my soul free

unleashed the real

me

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