“What if you believed you were enough right now?”
I am sitting here at my desk, listening to YouTube play “Tibetan Singing Bowls Chakra Healing Meditation Music”, all in an attempt to open my 5th chakra and allow myself to speak my truth, while simultaneously over-thinking what I’ll type for my first ever blog post.
Here’s a backstage pass to my head talk…
I’m worried that I’m “not ready” to write for you, I am concerned about saying the “right” thing, I’m wondering if you’re even going to read this, and if you do, what judgements you’ll make, and I am beating myself up for spending a large amount of my afternoon sabotaging myself by focusing on shit like what my title, tagline, theme, background, etc should be…
Procrastination, I see you and I honor your power.
I’ve recently returned from an incredible Mastermind in NYC where one of my coaches asked me the following, “What if you believed you were enough right now?”
What if I stopped pretending that I need to learn more or study more or rehearse more and I simply decided that I am enough? As is.
Then I’d be forced to answer the uncomfortable question, “Michelle, if you owned that as your belief, if you decided that you were enough right now as is, what would you be doing that you’re not currently doing? What would you be creating that you’re not currently creating?”
That hurt a little.
And by “a little” I mean a lot.
Squaring up with the truth of how I wasn’t showing up made me sick to my stomach.
The truth is, I had become comfortable in “student” mode. It was easier for me to cling to the belief that I wasn’t enough. I was stuck in “not ready”. I was desperately holding onto this twisted “truth” that I didn’t have anything of value to say.
There was more to learn.
There had to be.
More to study.
More to practice.
It was as if I was waiting to hear this booming voice shout down from the heavens, “NOW YOU ARE READY! YOU HAVE LEARNED ENOUGH. YOU ARE WORTHY. YOU MAY NOW STEP FORWARD.”
It sounds kind of absurd when I put it like that, but it’s how I had been showing up, or rather, NOT showing up.
Of course, I believe in continual personal growth. I’m in a constant state of learning, self-reflection, growth, and expansion, BUT I was using all of those things as an EXCUSE to stay stuck in inaction.
Pretending I wasn’t ready.
Pretending I needed more.
Pretending I wasn’t enough.
Pretending that you want me to be perfect.
It’s actually pretty brilliant sabotage because it’s never-ending. I will never be “enough” according to those standards.
In fact, I’m not even able to define “ready”, “more”, or “enough” so how are they actually achievable?
It was with that awareness that I made the decision to call bullshit on my story, to stop pretending, and to start taking action.
I believe, the more you do something, the more it becomes a part of who you are and the better you get.
The more you “swing the bat”, the more you’ll find your rhythm and the more likely you are to hit the ball.
The more you perform, the more the words and gestures become your own and naturally flow.
The more you dance, the more connected you become to the music and you find your own groove.
And for me?
The more I write, the more my message and personal style will evolve.
The more I speak, the more I will grow into a stronger and more influential speaker.
So, I’m unleashing myself.