If our needs are unmet as children, we can develop a belief that we are unworthy of being taken care of.
We create this belief because as small children, we think that everything happening in our environment is a reflection of us.
So if our needs are unmet, we make it mean that it’s happening because there is something wrong with us.
When I say “unmet needs”, that might have been your physical needs (things like healthcare, proper clothing, hunger, thirst, etc.) but it also applies to your emotional needs (things like safety, stability, security, unconditional love, acceptance, validation and affirmation of your belonging + worthiness).
Our brain is wired for survival and therefore if our needs are unmet, it will feel life-threatening.
Because we are incredibly resilient, when this happens, we tap into our creative problem-solving muscle.
We humans will do whatever we need to do in order to survive.
So if we feel unsafe, unlovable, unimportant, invalid and/or unworthy, we will figure out ways to get those things we desire, even if we have to manipulate ourselves or others in order to make it happen.
Again, we are creative + innovative like that.
I’ve been reflecting a lot recently and one of the biggest realizations + healings I have had has been around self-sacrifice labeled as “I am a good person in service to others”.
When that part of me was leading, I didn’t realize how much pressure I was putting on those that I claimed to love by NOT taking care of myself.
I didn’t realize that I had been functioning, stuck inside of a trauma response where I believed my safety was at risk.
I didn’t recognize that I had been unconsciously operating from the belief that my needs were invalid.
I couldn’t see that I was an adult who was being led by an inner child with unmet needs.
So I overworked, I pushed myself beyond my capacity, and I didn’t uphold my boundaries because this wounded part of me believed that I was unworthy, but thought if I were to do a good enough job taking care of everyone else, I might be taken care of.
The people that I loved the most were the most stressed out and worried about me as they watched me destroy myself + declare I was doing it for them.
The moment I recognized what was happening I began to shift.
The journey wasn’t always easy because there was a lot of healing that needed to happen, but what I know is that I was — I AM worth it.
So are you.
I’m worth the time it has taken + I’m worth the practice.
So are you.
We humans are programmed for survival so it makes sense that we will do whatever we can to ensure that survival.
And, I do not need to choose to live how I was conditioned.
Neither do you.
You can learn to neutrally observe what is happening.
You can learn to explore with curiosity and a desire to understand.
You can decide what you want to experience.
You can learn to take new actions.
You can learn to meet your own needs without blaming anyone else.
You can heal your relationship with your reflection.