ignoring what is doesn’t make it not

 

full speed ahead 24/7/365 causes crashes
 
i know because
i’ve been on the floor
more than once
i’ve lost my sh*t
so many times i stopped counting
i’ve cried hysterically
after screaming at the top of my lungs
when something didn’t go my way
or plans changed
i’ve been so tense my muscles
forgot how to relax
i’ve clawed at my skin
to hold down the rage
 
but you didn’t know
i wouldn’t let you know
on the outside
i was successful
i was achieving
i was helpful & reliable
i looked the part
i was nice
i was friendly
i was pretty & polished
 
on the inside
i was raging
i was short-circuiting
i was melting down
i was burning out
 
>> many successful women are burning out <<
 
it’s a badge of honor to be busy & exhausted
we brag about our lack of sleep and long hours
like they give out awards for suffering
 
we drink a bottle of wine a night
every night
gotta numb out
so we can function
 
we take pills
to stop our tears
to block our emotions
we don’t have time to open that flood gate
if we did
we doubt
it would ever close
we’ve been locked up
so long
silent
for years
 
our hard work is our salvation
really our protection
disguised as our perfection
keeping us from slowing down long enough
to look at the reality of our lives
 
burnout doesn’t happen overnight
it’s a slow burning fuse
 
>> there are warnings << 
 

the problem is, most of us ignore them because they are so accepted and expected that we don’t recognize them for the red flags they are

so
we push harder
motivating ourselves with self-abuse
 
it’s called being an adult
we say
pull it together
put your big girl panties on
just do it
what’s wrong with you
we ask
so-and-so has it worse than you
you’re so lazy
and then we justify
 
it’s not that bad
everyone i know is fried
i’m too busy
i don’t have time
today is the ONLY day to get things done
look at our to-do list
he needs me
they need me
she needs me
it’s fine
i’m fine
i’m fine
bullshit
 
first, you’re not fine
second, fine is not a feeling
 
let’s stop pretending
let’s look at what is REAL
ignoring what is doesn’t make it not
 
if you’re curious about what you might be missing, click here and grab The 31 Most Commonly Missed Signs of Burnout for Women
 
it’s time we reclaim our power 🔥
 
xoxo
 

how to stop giving a sh*t about what other people think

people frequently ask me this question:

how do i stop giving a sh*t about what other people think?

my answer?

you can’t.

i kid. but not really. the truth is, anyone who isn’t a sociopath is going to care what other people think.

so, the question is flawed. i’ll explain.

i have a friend who acts without attachment to the opinions of others. i have always viewed her as a mythical creature possessing a skill i desperately desired. we were hanging out a few years ago when i asked her, “have you always been able to not care what other people think?” i can clearly remember how i felt when she replied, “i’ve always been this way. it’s just who i am.”

it was a gut punch.

dang. so, what? i’m destined to be stuck in this perpetual cycle of people pleasing for the rest of my life?

now, i’m not saying that answer wasn’t true for her. in fact, i believe it is and i believe it is for many. the problem was, i wasn’t the many.

and if you are not the many either, keep reading…

first, let’s change the question:

how can i care deeply, AND not give a sh*t?

friend, you can learn how to care deeply AND not give a sh*t. you can hear the opinions of others AND not be stopped by them. you can learn to process feedback as feedback AND not take it as a personal attack. you can learn to understand that other people are sharing their experiences of you AND not take on their experiences as your own truth.

now, this is an individual conversation filled with individual answers, but from my experience– both as a coach and as someone who lived most of her life addicted to attention and approval; most of us who are in the cycle of people-pleasing have equated our safety and stability with making others happy.

i will be okay if everyone else is okay.

the danger here is that when we outsource our stability, safety, and security; we are not in control of the one thing we have any control over: OURSELVES.

we become paranoid in our compulsive obsession of what other people are thinking, preoccupied with personal manipulation in an attempt to please them, and completely sacrificing self in the process.

you can care deeply and not be stopped by their opinions, but in order to do that, you have to be willing to confront and heal your relationship to your own judgments of you.

nothing anyone says about you has the power to shake you; unless there is a part of you that believes the things they are saying.

we have to first, heal our relationship with our reflection.

when there is no longer personal pain projected, we are much better equipped to take action on our goals without weaving our judgments into the conversation pretending they belong to others.

i’d love to hear your thoughts…

xo