[ < i don't know > ]

i don't know i know it's not cute but it is a hit that feeds the addiction calms the twitching that beast within is becoming extinct she's dying and she's afraid so she rages in her attempts to cling to life she scratches on occasion i can smell her fear i know i no longer need the sanctuary of that old story i know i no longer need the high of your attention i know i no longer need the protection of my pretending i don't know because the...

Programmed to perform

This image effects me in a deep way... There is a tightening in my jaw. A tension in my neck. A dull, but present ache in my chest. Once I allowed the sadness to come and wash over me, I sat with my truth. The truth of what I saw in this picture. A version of my punisher. The part of me that does not like me. The part of me who spent years telling me that I would be worthy and valuable if - and only if - I achieved perfection. The part of me...

4 things you can do when you don’t feel “merry” or “bright”

I wasn't in the mood for Christmas. I simply was not feeling "merry" or "bright" this holiday season. I spent the morning of Christmas Eve sitting in my car with tears streaming down my face, feeling a sadness and a loss and a heaviness on my heart. It felt different than I've felt before and I was worried about myself.  Was I depressed? I'd been kind of down for the couple days prior and it seemed to be getting worse. To be fully transparent,...

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