what’s your motivation?

 

it is super easy for us to judge others based on the things we see them doing (or not)…
 
we often judge based on comparisons of what WE like and what is working or has worked for US…
 
things like:
 
+ how they care for themselves
+ their work ethic
+ their relationship to food or alcohol
+ how and whom they date
+ their sex life and choice of partner(s)
+ how much rest they get
+ how frequently they workout or meditate
+ how they manage or cope with their stress
 
many of these things we are judging could be based on things THEY have said they were having issues with
 
we’re just trying to help
 
i get it
 
i’ve been on the side of wanting to help (fix) others + I’ve been the one doing the thing that others wanted to help (fix) me with
 
BUT
 
here’s what i’ve learned…
 
it’s less about WHAT one is doing and more about WHY they are doing it
 
+ i’ve not taken care of myself out of fear and over-serving for approval AND i’ve chosen to put me after someone else with intention because of a deadline and/or i knew i’d get to me later that day
 
+ i’ve worked HARD out of fear and a desire for approval AND i’ve worked hard for a deadline and from a place of intentional choice
 
+ i’ve eaten food for comfort and to numb out how i was feeling AND i’ve had the same food because i wanted it and it brought me pleasure
 
+ i’ve drank because i wanted to enjoy a glass of wine or bourbon AND i’ve drank because i didn’t want to feel my feelings
 
+ i’ve dated for fear of being alone AND dated because i wanted to spend time exploring new people
 
+ i’ve had sex for approval and a desire to be loved because i was afraid i wasn’t enough AND i’ve had sex because i wanted to experience the pleasure
 
+ i’ve stayed up all night because i was scared of getting in trouble for not finishing what i started and out of fear of being abandoned if i wasn’t “good” AND i’ve chosen to stay up because i was geeked about what i was doing + creating
 
+ i’ve worked out from a place of hating my body AND i’ve worked out because i love my body + want to move and stretch her
 
+ i’ve hidden my stress for fear of not being loved and received + i’ve spoken up for attention AND i have expressed my needs to ask for support + i’ve used my voice to be real and make authentic, vulnerable connections
 
in my world
it’s never about the WHAT we are doing
it’s always about the WHY
 
i invite you to dig deeper
with yourself + others
what you find may surprise you…
 
 
xoxox

ignoring what is doesn’t make it not

 

full speed ahead 24/7/365 causes crashes
 
i know because
i’ve been on the floor
more than once
i’ve lost my sh*t
so many times i stopped counting
i’ve cried hysterically
after screaming at the top of my lungs
when something didn’t go my way
or plans changed
i’ve been so tense my muscles
forgot how to relax
i’ve clawed at my skin
to hold down the rage
 
but you didn’t know
i wouldn’t let you know
on the outside
i was successful
i was achieving
i was helpful & reliable
i looked the part
i was nice
i was friendly
i was pretty & polished
 
on the inside
i was raging
i was short-circuiting
i was melting down
i was burning out
 
>> many successful women are burning out <<
 
it’s a badge of honor to be busy & exhausted
we brag about our lack of sleep and long hours
like they give out awards for suffering
 
we drink a bottle of wine a night
every night
gotta numb out
so we can function
 
we take pills
to stop our tears
to block our emotions
we don’t have time to open that flood gate
if we did
we doubt
it would ever close
we’ve been locked up
so long
silent
for years
 
our hard work is our salvation
really our protection
disguised as our perfection
keeping us from slowing down long enough
to look at the reality of our lives
 
burnout doesn’t happen overnight
it’s a slow burning fuse
 
>> there are warnings << 
 

the problem is, most of us ignore them because they are so accepted and expected that we don’t recognize them for the red flags they are

so
we push harder
motivating ourselves with self-abuse
 
it’s called being an adult
we say
pull it together
put your big girl panties on
just do it
what’s wrong with you
we ask
so-and-so has it worse than you
you’re so lazy
and then we justify
 
it’s not that bad
everyone i know is fried
i’m too busy
i don’t have time
today is the ONLY day to get things done
look at our to-do list
he needs me
they need me
she needs me
it’s fine
i’m fine
i’m fine
bullshit
 
first, you’re not fine
second, fine is not a feeling
 
let’s stop pretending
let’s look at what is REAL
ignoring what is doesn’t make it not
 
if you’re curious about what you might be missing, click here and grab The 31 Most Commonly Missed Signs of Burnout for Women
 
it’s time we reclaim our power 🔥
 
xoxo
 

[ < firestarter > ]

the cannibalistic cycle ⁣⁣
of miserable determination ⁣⁣
consumed by the me ⁣⁣
i now be ⁣⁣
⁣⁣
the fire ⁣⁣
still alive in me ⁣⁣
transformed ⁣⁣
by me⁣⁣
the scathing, self-loathing ⁣⁣
giving birth to the breath ⁣⁣
of liberation ⁣⁣
⁣⁣
finally willing to feel ⁣⁣
the flames ⁣⁣
allowing them to melt ⁣⁣
all of the me ⁣⁣
i spent my life⁣⁣
pretending to be ⁣⁣
the pretty me⁣⁣
the polished me⁣⁣
the perfect me ⁣⁣
i felt the burning heat ⁣⁣
melting ⁣⁣
and stood there⁣⁣
screaming ⁣⁣
breathtaking ⁣⁣
taking my breath ⁣⁣
away ⁣⁣
as the ⁣⁣
flames ⁣⁣
initially ⁣⁣
evoking fear ⁣⁣
in the me ⁣⁣
i used to be⁣⁣
scaring me ⁣⁣
which is why ⁣⁣
the me ⁣⁣
i used to be⁣⁣
𝘜𝘚𝘌𝘋 to not feel ⁣⁣
the intensity ⁣⁣
of the heat ⁣⁣
on my sensitive skin⁣⁣
⁣⁣
the me i used to be ⁣⁣
ran ⁣⁣
terrified of the inevitable ⁣⁣
necessary ⁣⁣
destruction ⁣⁣
consumption ⁣⁣
⁣⁣
the fear inside⁣⁣
the me ⁣⁣
i used to be⁣⁣
grew into fascination ⁣⁣
i found myself⁣⁣
intrigued ⁣⁣
by the burning⁣⁣
masochistic in my curiosity ⁣⁣
yet paralyzed ⁣⁣
wanting to step ⁣⁣
ever closer⁣⁣
yet cemented ⁣⁣
in the me ⁣⁣
i used to be ⁣⁣
unable to take ⁣⁣
one ⁣⁣
single ⁣⁣
step⁣⁣
⁣⁣
until the moment ⁣⁣
⁣⁣
yearning for everything⁣⁣
i’d spent years protecting ⁣⁣
pretending⁣⁣
to be ⁣⁣
to be⁣⁣
destroyed⁣⁣
begging ⁣⁣
for my fragile front⁣⁣
to be decimated⁣⁣
⁣⁣
by me⁣⁣
the firestarter ⁣⁣
⁣⁣
pulled into the magnetic flames ⁣⁣
of my own vulnerable authenticity ⁣⁣
⁣⁣
ready to be reborn ⁣⁣

Go LOVE Yourself !

Self.

self/self/noun

1. a person’s essential being that distinguishes them from others, especially considered as the object of introspection or reflexive action.

Love.

love/ləv/noun

  1. an intense feeling of deep affection.
  2. a great interest and pleasure in something.
  3. a person or thing that one loves.

love/ləv/verb

  1. feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment to (someone).


Self-love feels like one of the most talked about concepts, yet I believe most of us don’t DO self love.

While we are familiar with the notion, for so many of my sisters, self love is simply not an ACTIVE practice.

It sounds good in theory and we read books and burn sage and purchase crystals and get manicures, but when it comes to actually executing an intentional practice…

We say things like, “That’d be nice. I wish I had time for that luxury…”

The truth is, the active practice of self love demands us to shift our seat on our long task list. We have to move ourselves from dead last to first. Self love calls forth a bold declaration from the depths of our soul. An unapologetic battle cry…

“My needs are JUST as important as your needs.”

Because dead last? It is killing us.

We are quick to leap at the opportunity to serve and give and show up for another, but “GASP!” how dare you ask us to show up for ourselves? I mean, we’re soooooooo busy.

The habitual “I’m fine” slowly erodes at our self-esteem and self-worth as we seemingly, suddenly find ourselves angry and resentful waiting for others to give us what we haven’t given ourselves. We’re impatiently waiting for a person or an accomplishment to come along and validate us. And when they don’t? We become irrational and irritable because they haven’t given us what we haven’t asked for and yet believe we are owed.

But friend, it’s you. The love you’re seeking is within. There is NO external source that can love you enough… validate you enough… to satiate the hunger rumbling deep in your belly.

I snapped this picture in April 2018. I was leaving a week long transformational coaching training and it was during this week — just one year ago — that I fell in love with me. I released shame and guilt I’d been carrying for years. I stopped punishing myself and I chose love. Intentionally. I saw the wholeness of who I was and I loved her with the ferocious compassion of a mama bear protecting her cubs.

I didn’t know how

But you showed me

I didn’t know if I could

But you believe in me

I didn’t know I was worthy

But you reminded me

I didn’t know if I was enough

But you lovingly affirmed my truth

I forgot where to look

But then I saw your reflection

It is impossible to love others if we are not actively in love with ourself first. And, if you’re like most people, you are going to have to enlist support in cultivating new habits. We are simply not programmed to choose us.

In “Pussy – A Reclamation” Regena Thomashauer says, “It’s very difficult for us to say yes to our own pleasure. We have no experience prioritizing our own joy or making an investment in ourselves. But it is very easy to say yes to responsibility and obligation.”

This has to change.

It’s time to change.

And, I believe we are most effective in transforming our lives and habits when we have the support of tribe.

My new friend Sharon, the founder of GO LOVE YOURSELF– a self care and self love subscription box- shares the following on her website:

…as March’s featured author Kelly Corrigan notes, “you can’t really be loved if you can’t bear to be really known.”

And you deserve to take the time for yourself to know yourself, and love yourself, to know others, and to love others, and to be known by others, and to be loved by others. You don’t have to go it alone.

Sharon believes that self care is an action and self love is the result. 

Awareness in and of itself doesn’t bring change. Motivation, while fun to experience, doesn’t bring change. What does bring change is ACTION. A commitment to DOING what needs to be done to change our lives and increase our self love and happiness.

As Sharon shares, “if you’re ready to be the change you want to see, take the actions you need to take, do the work, and connect with a group of women who are committed to truly living their best lives, we’re here for you.”

I couldn’t agree more.

Take the first action step in choosing YOU and get yourself the support you’re worthy of.

If you have any questions about the support Sharon provides, feel free to contact her directly through her website: https://www.thegoloveyourselfbox.com/about_us or if you have questions for me, send me an email at: michelle@coachmichellemoore.com.

xo

your dreams are dying in the life you’re not living.

Desires.

For so long I pretended I was unworthy. Like I had to do more and be more to earn the right to want. Ugh. “Earn the right to want…”

The law had been written and I had declared, “I never was nor would I ever be enough.” I had crowned myself “unworthy” and so it was.

Eventually, I stopped wanting. It wasn’t safe. It was too risky.

My dreams and desires were trapped. Locked inside my soul, fighting to come out– to come alive. Longing to be spoken out loud into the Universe, fueled by the oxygen of my breath. But, I’d build a wall to keep them in.

And yet I stood there yelling about how I can’t dream and how I don’t know what I want, but the reality was, I’d built the wall to trap my desires. I put the padlock on the chains, I latched it closed, the lock was on MY side of the door, and I was the one person holding the only key.

And yet, I was angry and throwing a fit about how it wasn’t fair.

Like many of you, I was waiting. Telling myself, I’d express my desires if a few standards were met…

I had to know it was safe.

I needed “them” to prove they could be trusted with my desires.

And more than that? I needed to know for sure that what I wanted would come true before I dare speak anything out loud.

Can you relate?

Good luck with that.

You’re going to wait forever.

Why?

Because you’re requesting the impossible. You’re demanding an unknown prediction of the future so that you can ensure everything will work out the way you want it to and if and only if you get the guarantee will you then come back to the present and take action and speak your desires aloud.

Pretending you “don’t know” feels safer.

Pretending feels more comfortable than confronting the truth: Your desires and dreams are not safe with you.

How do I know? Because I wasn’t safe with me for years. I couldn’t trust myself so I hunted for my answers– sought out my dreams– in others. “You tell me what I should want,” I’d say.

My gluttonous consumption of information and my addiction to the intoxication– high off of the answers others gave me– had me waking up everyday with a pounding headache and a hangover from hell because the shots they poured and what I guzzled down didn’t have the capacity to satiate my soul’s real longing.

Things began to change for me when I admitted all of this to myself and recognized that the solutions I was getting were to the questions I was asking, but I wasn’t asking the right questions.

Friend, it is possible to live a life liberated. It is possible to dismantle and transform the lie you’re living disguised as a life you’re not living, extinguish your suffering, unlock the padlock, and release your soul.

xo

how to stop giving a sh*t about what other people think

people frequently ask me this question:

how do i stop giving a sh*t about what other people think?

my answer?

you can’t.

i kid. but not really. the truth is, anyone who isn’t a sociopath is going to care what other people think.

so, the question is flawed. i’ll explain.

i have a friend who acts without attachment to the opinions of others. i have always viewed her as a mythical creature possessing a skill i desperately desired. we were hanging out a few years ago when i asked her, “have you always been able to not care what other people think?” i can clearly remember how i felt when she replied, “i’ve always been this way. it’s just who i am.”

it was a gut punch.

dang. so, what? i’m destined to be stuck in this perpetual cycle of people pleasing for the rest of my life?

now, i’m not saying that answer wasn’t true for her. in fact, i believe it is and i believe it is for many. the problem was, i wasn’t the many.

and if you are not the many either, keep reading…

first, let’s change the question:

how can i care deeply, AND not give a sh*t?

friend, you can learn how to care deeply AND not give a sh*t. you can hear the opinions of others AND not be stopped by them. you can learn to process feedback as feedback AND not take it as a personal attack. you can learn to understand that other people are sharing their experiences of you AND not take on their experiences as your own truth.

now, this is an individual conversation filled with individual answers, but from my experience– both as a coach and as someone who lived most of her life addicted to attention and approval; most of us who are in the cycle of people-pleasing have equated our safety and stability with making others happy.

i will be okay if everyone else is okay.

the danger here is that when we outsource our stability, safety, and security; we are not in control of the one thing we have any control over: OURSELVES.

we become paranoid in our compulsive obsession of what other people are thinking, preoccupied with personal manipulation in an attempt to please them, and completely sacrificing self in the process.

you can care deeply and not be stopped by their opinions, but in order to do that, you have to be willing to confront and heal your relationship to your own judgments of you.

nothing anyone says about you has the power to shake you; unless there is a part of you that believes the things they are saying.

we have to first, heal our relationship with our reflection.

when there is no longer personal pain projected, we are much better equipped to take action on our goals without weaving our judgments into the conversation pretending they belong to others.

i’d love to hear your thoughts…

xo