too much and not enough

 

 

i am a transformational geek.  i get high on facilitating transformation in other humans and i’m addicted to transforming my own life.  because of this, i welcome anything that “triggers” me.

if you’re unfamiliar with the term, what it means to me is anything that “sets me off”.

sets me off in anger, in upset, in irritation, etc..

the thing that comes first?

that is the trigger.

there are definitely positive triggers too.

things that can trigger laughter, joy, peace, etc…

so, this past weekend i’m at a live event to learn and grow in my business and on the second day, i get triggered.

i notice myself becoming concerned with how others are receiving me.

was that too much? maybe i shouldn’t have done that.  maybe i shouldn’t say that. i probably shouldn’t post that.  i need to calm down, reign it in, turn it down a little.  it might be- i might be too much.

i woke up the morning of the second day really inspired. i wanted to share something i’d written in our private facebook group.  instead of simply sharing my writing, i felt the pause of,  “i don’t know… maybe it’s too much.” 

so i didn’t share.

then about an hour later, i said, “you know what? this is valuable, i am proud of it, my heart says GO and i trust that.” 

so i posted it.

about half-way through the day, my coach made a comment that flipped my “too much” trigger and i went online immediately and i took it down.

defeated.

i put on my jacket, my body became tense and my legs started trembling. these are signals i am quite familiar with.

they are my body’s way of shouting, “houston. we have unexpressed emotions!”

we broke for lunch and i was deep in irritation.  i chose to sit in the irritation and not come out for a couple of hours.  as the evening progressed, things loosened up for me and i came back to myself.

the next day i asked for coaching support around the old story that got lit up.

you see, i want to be loved and i know i’m a lot to handle.

i’m a lot.

my personality is big.

my energy is big.

my truth is big.

i feel hard.

i love hard.

i am loud.

i look loud.

i talk loud.

i laugh loud.

i am a lot.

too much maybe…

here’s what i realized.

too much and not enough is the same story.

the SAME story!

unworthy.

and i’ve put that story to bed.  a long time ago.  it’s not my truth anymore.  it’s an OLD story that i was stuck in.  AND, the trigger brought up new awareness.  for that, i am incredibly grateful.

 

here’s what i want you to know.

you are love.

you are light.

don’t ever be afraid to shine.  the sun doesn’t care if she burns you.

people can stay indoors or slather on the spf.

their burn is actually not your responsibility.

but it can feel that way.

it felt that way to me.

but it’s NOT.

your obligation is to be unapologetically you.

that’s where your gifts are.

that’s where your truth is.

if you’re feeling like you can’t.

if you’re afraid who you are will hurt people.

if you’re stuck in “too much”.

if you believe you have to shrink to accommodate the comfort of others.

if you feel like you have to squash your voice or hold back i need you to know — those are lies.

everything that is not love is a lie.

and you my friend.

you are love.

 

xo

Busting through your “not enough” story in 4 steps

I realized today that I don’t trust myself.

F*ck.

How do I know?  Well, let me share my (old) pattern.  First, I take a step into something new.  This could be a new group, a new training, a new entrepreneurial endeavor, or a new ANYTHING where I am unfamiliar.  Subconsciously I say, “I don’t know how to do this…” and my actions are to ask for help and or research.  As my coach pointed out to me today, neither of those things are necessarily bad, but my pattern of “I don’t know how to do this…” needs to stop.

Why?

Because if it doesn’t, I can (and I will and I have) stay stuck in preparation mode.  Not acting.  Not launching.  Not producing.  Not sharing.  Not teaching.  Not empowering.  Not living out my purpose of transforming the planet.

Here’s what’s crazy.  It’s been so much a part of who I am for so long, until it was pointed out to me today, I didn’t even realize I was doing it.  My sabotage was literally on auto-pilot.

In this post, I want to teach you what I’ve learned about how to move from your “not enough story” into action.

 

1.  Set yourself up with a support team.

We all have our blind spots.  It’s as if our heads are stuck inside a box that sits on our shoulders and we cannot see anything outside of our box.  All of our problems and struggles are inside the walls of our box, while all of our solutions are on the outside.  So, we need support in seeing what we cannot see.  From my experience, a support team has 5 elements: an accountability partner, a mastermind group, a private coach, live events, and a mentor.  We need these people to help us become aware of the things we’re simply unable to see.  Without my coach and my mastermind, I wouldn’t have come to recognize this pattern today.  And, if I remain unaware, I stay stuck.

 

2. Identify that this sabotage is part of you, but it’s not the real you.

Something that’s really helpful is to name the parts of you that are sabotaging your success.  I’m made up of Never Ready Nancy, Not Good Enough Natasha, Insecure Ingrid, Too Stupid Stephanie, Need To Learn More Naomi, Student Sabrina, Perfect Paula, Punisher Pam, Seeking Approval Astrid, Validation Val, and many more… Once I recognize these people as PART of me, but not the REAL ME, I can distinguish when one of them is taking the lead.  It’s okay that they’re all traveling with me in the van, the important question is, who is in the driver’s seat?

 

3.  Honor and accept these parts of you with love.

Recognize that while there are these parts of you that are sabotaging yourself, it’s all in an effort to protect the real you.  Think of them as different identities that were developed to keep you safe and love them for that.  Love them hard.  I love Never Ready Nancy and how she makes sure that I’m prepared for whatever I am doing.  I love Not Good Enough Natasha and the fact that she causes me to practice again and again in an effort to perfect my craft.  I love Insecure Ingrid and how vulnerable she is.  I love Too Stupid Stephanie and how she causes me to work hard and study more and make sure that I’m knowledgeable.  I love Need To Learn More Naomi and Student Sabrina for the same reasons.  I love Perfect Paula and how she wants me to put my very best foot forward.  I love Punisher Pam and how she ultimately just wants me to be excellent.  I love Seeking Approval Astrid and Validation Val and how much they love receiving praise from others and how the yearning for that praise pushes them to work so hard.  I love the little girl who makes up all of these identities and how she’s afraid of being wrong, afraid of making a mistake, afraid of speaking up and saying the wrong thing, and afraid of not being good enough or smart enough to figure things out herself.  I know that these parts of me that pretend not to know what to do are all acting from love and protection and I love them for that.  I love them so much.  They are doing a phenomenal job.

 

4.  Identify what’s most important and take an action step.

What’s the ONE THING that will give you the biggest leap forward if you took action on it?  What’s the ONE THING that you KNOW if you did it, would get you closer to your goal?  Start there.  With that one thing.  Stop pretending that you’re going to execute 100 things and then using that as an excuse as to why you can’t do anything and simply focus on the ONE THING.  For me today it was to make calls about booking speaking engagements.  I decided to move Never Ready Nancy to the back of the van and put the REAL ME in the driver’s seat.  Once I did that, it was easy to pick up the phone and dial.  When I felt doubt creep in, I reassured Need To Learn More Naomi that we already knew enough and reminded Perfect Paula that even if we “messed up” we were still moving forward and that it was safe to take this step toward our dreams.

 

The truth is, this work isn’t easy.  I won’t lie and say it is.  I cried today as I unloaded all of my overwhelm on my Mastermind sisters.  But then, after the awareness, I came to this beautiful place of acceptance.  After that came the overwhelming love.  And after that, came incredible clarity.  Clarity in my message as I picked up the phone and called for more opportunities to speak.  Clarity in the words to share here in this blog to teach and empower you.  And clarity for a program I want to launch in the new year.

This shit is awesome and hard and amazing and it works and it’s worth it.

You’re worth it.

Let me know in the comments if any of this resonated with you and if you’re willing to name your sabotaging identities!  

 

 

Image via Pinterest. Quote by Rebecca Ray.