perfectly imperfect – Perfectly Imperfect

Why am I so tired?

I don’t understand why I’m so tired…

⁣

For years, I needed to find a reason to explain the way I felt. ⁣

⁣

ESPECIALLY if the way I felt meant that I didn’t want to work. ⁣

⁣

Do you relate?⁣

⁣

It was as though the fact that I was feeling tired wasn’t a good enough reason to rest, so I needed to search for some sort of justification. ⁣

⁣

I see this a lot with entrepreneurs. ⁣

⁣

We have so many tasks⁣

⁣

We have multiple things we want to accomplish⁣

⁣

There are an unending amount of items to check-off our to do lists⁣

⁣

So if we feel *anything* other than work-driven, accomplish all the things, get it done right now, urgent energy…⁣

⁣

We feel less than⁣

Worthless

⁣

And in order to soothe the guilt that we feel for feeling tired, we search for the justification. ⁣

⁣

It is okay for us to rest if we’re sick. We can give ourselves permission to take time off if (and only if) we are ill. ⁣

⁣

But what if we ARE tired + we’re NOT sick? ⁣

⁣

What if we’re NOT running a fever?⁣

⁣

What if we don’t have the flu?⁣

⁣

What if we want to rest because we are exhausted — even if we aren’t able to justify why? ⁣

⁣

What if we felt like we had permission to listen to our bodies without explaining to ourselves or anybody else why we want to do that? ⁣

⁣

I know it’s not easy to do because I know that society teaches us something 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 different. ⁣

⁣

Society teaches us that rest is for weak people + reminds us that we can sleep when we’re dead and tells us to just push through and calls us forward to work harder + set bigger goals and GO GO GO GO! ⁣

⁣

And society teaches women that they can’t trust themselves or the needs of their bodies and that if we do, we need to have a justifiable explanation. ⁣

⁣

So of course we believe we have to explain how we feel. ⁣

⁣

There’s nothing wrong with you if you’re not able to rest “guilt-free”. ⁣

⁣

The guilt we experience is a normal, conditioned response. ⁣

⁣

Your response is a reaction to the programming of our don’t stop can’t stop culture. ⁣

⁣

And it’s part of the reason that many of the women I know and work with are…⁣

⁣

On the verge of burnout⁣

In desperate need of a break⁣

Overworked⁣

Struggling with autoimmune disease⁣

Overwhelmed⁣

Stressed out⁣

Not asking for help⁣

Telling themselves they can’t slow down⁣

Convinced that nothing will get done if they don’t do it ⁣

Dismissing their own dreams + desires⁣

⁣

All of it makes sense. ⁣

⁣

Until we detox from the programming that has trained us to believe that our work equals our worth, it will not be okay for us to rest. ⁣

⁣

The switch is not easy (it took me years!) and for many of us with cultural, generational, and individual traumas, it’s more complex.⁣

BUT IT IS POSSIBLE.

⁣

You can begin the process by honoring your body‘s feelings without asking her to justify them.⁣

⁣

what’s your motivation?

it is super easy for us to judge others based on the things we see them doing (or not)…

we often judge based on comparisons of what WE like and what is working or has worked for US…

things like:

+ how they care for themselves

+ their work ethic

+ their relationship to food or alcohol

+ how and whom they date

+ their sex life and choice of partner(s)

+ how much rest they get

+ how frequently they workout or meditate

+ how they manage or cope with their stress

many of these things we are judging could be based on things THEY have said they were having issues with

we’re just trying to help

i get it

i’ve been on the side of wanting to help (fix) others + I’ve been the one doing the thing that others wanted to help (fix) me with

BUT

here’s what i’ve learned…

it’s less about WHAT one is doing and more about WHY they are doing it

+ i’ve not taken care of myself out of fear and over-serving for approval AND i’ve chosen to put me after someone else with intention because of a deadline and/or i knew i’d get to me later that day

+ i’ve worked HARD out of fear and a desire for approval AND i’ve worked hard for a deadline and from a place of intentional choice

+ i’ve eaten food for comfort and to numb out how i was feeling AND i’ve had the same food because i wanted it and it brought me pleasure

+ i’ve drank because i wanted to enjoy a glass of wine or bourbon AND i’ve drank because i didn’t want to feel my feelings

+ i’ve dated for fear of being alone AND dated because i wanted to spend time exploring new people

+ i’ve had sex for approval and a desire to be loved because i was afraid i wasn’t enough AND i’ve had sex because i wanted to experience the pleasure

+ i’ve stayed up all night because i was scared of getting in trouble for not finishing what i started and out of fear of being abandoned if i wasn’t “good” AND i’ve chosen to stay up because i was geeked about what i was doing + creating

+ i’ve worked out from a place of hating my body AND i’ve worked out because i love my body + want to move and stretch her

+ i’ve hidden my stress for fear of not being loved and received + i’ve spoken up for attention AND i have expressed my needs to ask for support + i’ve used my voice to be real and make authentic, vulnerable connections

in my world

it’s never about the WHAT we are doing

it’s always about the WHY

i invite you to dig deeper

with yourself + others

what you find may surprise you…

xoxox

ignoring what is doesn’t make it not

full speed ahead 24/7/365 causes crashes

i know because

i’ve been on the floor

more than once

i’ve lost my sh*t

so many times i stopped counting

i’ve cried hysterically

after screaming at the top of my lungs

when something didn’t go my way

or plans changed

i’ve been so tense my muscles

forgot how to relax

i’ve clawed at my skin

to hold down the rage

but you didn’t know

i wouldn’t let you know

on the outside

i was successful

i was achieving

i was helpful & reliable

i looked the part

i was nice

i was friendly

i was pretty & polished

on the inside

i was raging

i was short-circuiting

i was melting down

i was burning out

>> many successful women are burning out <<

it’s a badge of honor to be busy & exhausted

we brag about our lack of sleep and long hours

like they give out awards for suffering

we drink a bottle of wine a night

every night

gotta numb out

so we can function

we take pills

to stop our tears

to block our emotions

we don’t have time to open that flood gate

if we did

we doubt

it would ever close

we’ve been locked up

so long

silent

for years

our hard work is our salvation

really our protection

disguised as our perfection

keeping us from slowing down long enough

to look at the reality of our lives

burnout doesn’t happen overnight

it’s a slow burning fuse

>> there are warnings <<

the problem is, most of us ignore them because they are so accepted and expected that we don’t recognize them for the red flags they are

we push harder

motivating ourselves with self-abuse

it’s called being an adult

we say

pull it together

put your big girl panties on

just do it

what’s wrong with you

we ask

so-and-so has it worse than you

you’re so lazy

and then we justify

it’s not that bad

everyone i know is fried

i’m too busy

i don’t have time

today is the ONLY day to get things done

look at our to-do list

he needs me

they need me

she needs me

it’s fine

i’m fine

i’m fine

bullshit

first, you’re not fine

second, fine is not a feeling

let’s stop pretending

let’s look at what is REAL

ignoring what is doesn’t make it not

if you’re curious about what you might be missing, click here and grab The 31 Most Commonly Missed Signs of Burnout for Women

it’s time we reclaim our power 🔥

xoxo

your dreams are dying in the life you’re not living.

Desires.

For so long I pretended I was unworthy. Like I had to do more and be more to earn the right to want. Ugh. “Earn the right to want…”

The law had been written and I had declared, “I never was nor would I ever be enough.” I had crowned myself “unworthy” and so it was.

Eventually, I stopped wanting. It wasn’t safe. It was too risky.

My dreams and desires were trapped. Locked inside my soul, fighting to come out– to come alive. Longing to be spoken out loud into the Universe, fueled by the oxygen of my breath. But, I’d build a wall to keep them in.

And yet I stood there yelling about how I can’t dream and how I don’t know what I want, but the reality was, I’d built the wall to trap my desires. I put the padlock on the chains, I latched it closed, the lock was on MY side of the door, and I was the one person holding the only key.

And yet, I was angry and throwing a fit about how it wasn’t fair.

Like many of you, I was waiting. Telling myself, I’d express my desires if a few standards were met…

I had to know it was safe.

I needed “them” to prove they could be trusted with my desires.

And more than that? I needed to know for sure that what I wanted would come true before I dare speak anything out loud.

Can you relate?

Good luck with that.

You’re going to wait forever.

Why?

Because you’re requesting the impossible. You’re demanding an unknown prediction of the future so that you can ensure everything will work out the way you want it to and if and only if you get the guarantee will you then come back to the present and take action and speak your desires aloud.

Pretending you “don’t know” feels safer.

Pretending feels more comfortable than confronting the truth: Your desires and dreams are not safe with you.

How do I know? Because I wasn’t safe with me for years. I couldn’t trust myself so I hunted for my answers– sought out my dreams– in others. “You tell me what I should want,” I’d say.

My gluttonous consumption of information and my addiction to the intoxication– high off of the answers others gave me– had me waking up everyday with a pounding headache and a hangover from hell because the shots they poured and what I guzzled down didn’t have the capacity to satiate my soul’s real longing.

Things began to change for me when I admitted all of this to myself and recognized that the solutions I was getting were to the questions I was asking, but I wasn’t asking the right questions.

Friend, it is possible to live a life liberated. It is possible to dismantle and transform the lie you’re living disguised as a life you’re not living, extinguish your suffering, unlock the padlock, and release your soul.

your suffering is optional

while i don’t recall the moment i first heard haruki murakami’s quote, i distinctly remember the feeling in my body. my jaw clenched and my shoulders rolled back and tightened as i began to embody a fighting stance. i was under attack and preparing myself for battle. i was ready to defend my suffering. i was set to argue against anyone who would dare try to take my limitations away.

now, as i reflect on that version of me, i feel a sadness for her. but her aggressively defensive behavior makes sense to me.

when i was told my suffering was optional, i made it mean that it was a choice. and i didn’t want to hear that i was CHOOSING to suffer.

why?

because that would mean i would no longer be able to blame my mom or my dad or my life or those people over there or this circumstance here or my finances or that one person from 15 years ago who called me fat or that teacher who wouldn’t help me or that guy that broke my heart or that girl who said those things mean things.

if my suffering was a choice, i’d have to stop saying it was “them” keeping me down and admit that it was me.

and friend, i didn’t like that one bit.

but, here’s the thing that’s important to understand if you want to live an empowered life– your experience is 100% within your control.

if we are suffering, it is our choice.

if you are suffering, it is your choice.

i was reading an article that described it like this: it is possible to experience pain and not suffer as much as it’s possible to suffer and not be in any physical pain.

to me, the suffering kicks in when we become emotionally entangled in our pain. when we take our pain and we attach who we are to that pain we will suffer. when we beat ourselves up (physically, mentally, or emotionally) for our pain, we will suffer. when we continue our self-abuse with guilt and shame, we will continue our suffering.

THESE are the things that are our choice.

the painful or traumatic or painful thing that happened? that’s not on you.

but, making that event(s) mean something negative about who you are, beating yourself up again and again for your perceived mistake(s), and torturing yourself with guilt and shame… friend, those things are your choice.

if you believe you’ve suffered enough, comment below or send me an email at michelle@coachmichellemoore.com. i’d love to support you. and if you haven’t suffered enough, carry on. but, as you carry on, do it will full ownership that at this point, the suffering you’re experiencing is YOUR CHOICE.

blame is easier, but it’s never healed a hurting human. please don’t try to be the first.

[numb]


 ⁣⁣
 ⁣⁣[ < numb > ]

 unfortunately ⁣
 we have become ⁣⁣⁣⁣
 a comfortably numb⁣⁣⁣⁣
 ⁣zombie ⁣⁣⁣society ⁣⁣⁣of addicts ⁣⁣⁣⁣
 chugging down⁣⁣⁣⁣
 our cough medicine ⁣⁣⁣⁣
 of choice ⁣⁣⁣⁣
 ⁣⁣⁣⁣
 terrified to ⁣⁣
 feel ⁣⁣
 unwilling to ⁣⁣
 confront ⁣⁣
 our pain ⁣⁣⁣⁣
 terrified of ⁣
 our unapologetic⁣
 wild passion⁣
 ⁣⁣
 lives spent ⁣⁣
 committed to ⁣⁣⁣⁣
 dulling ⁣⁣
 the truth ⁣⁣⁣⁣
 ⁣
 numbing ⁣
 has no discernment⁣
 we choose ⁣
 no pain⁣
 we choose ⁣
 no joy ⁣
 ⁣
 so our soul ⁣⁣sits ⁣⁣
 in hospice ⁣⁣
 we lie ⁣⁣
 not living ⁣⁣
 waiting ⁣⁣
 to die ⁣⁣
 numbed out ⁣⁣⁣⁣
 dumbed down ⁣⁣⁣⁣
 committed ⁣⁣
 to our not feeling ⁣⁣
 ⁣⁣
 i used to ⁣⁣
 i used to ⁣⁣
 not feel ⁣⁣
 ⁣
 it was not⁣⁣
 until i ⁣⁣
 learned to ⁣⁣
 be with ⁣⁣⁣⁣
 what was ⁣⁣
 what is ⁣⁣
 really real  ⁣⁣⁣⁣
 that i ⁣⁣
 helped my body ⁣⁣
 truly heal ⁣⁣
 ⁣⁣
 for years ⁣⁣
 i thought i was ⁣⁣
 comfortable⁣⁣
 but i was only numb ⁣
 ⁣

who’s got your back?

support: give assistance to; to give encouragement to someone or something because you want him, her, or it to succeed; suggest the truth of.

friend, we’re not supposed to do this whole “life” thing alone.

but, if you’re anything like the me i used to be, asking for help can feel super hard to do. it sounds easy enough in theory, but in real life? practically impossible.

i felt like being able to do it alone was an achievement i should be striving for. and every time i fell short, it was one more thing to add to the long list of things i sucked at.

it was one more way i just couldn’t get it together…

one more thing to beat myself up about…

i remember feeling like i was weak and incapable if i “had” to ask for help. it was if i was saying, “i can’t do this alone.” and that made me a loser. at least that’s what my head talk was telling me.

but friend, we are NOT SUPPOSED TO do life alone. we’re best when we’re supported and we have peeps that have our back.

giving support and receiving support is human.

we are not robots and despite the amount of time we spend on our phones and computers, we require human connection.

i truly believe support can relieve both anxiety and depression. there is something so profoundly powerful about knowing we’re not alone.

and when it comes to achievement? to reaching your goals and dreams?

your human brain is not wired to bring the best out of yourself. your brain is designed with safety as it’s number one priority. “keep this human alive” is its commitment.

so, we need people. people who see what we’re capable of and who are willing to stand beside us while we unbecome everything we are not.

tribe.

people who reflect our truth and who are brave enough to lovingly confront us on our bullshit stories.

so, let’s break this down.

there are 5 main ingredients to an incredible support system:

1. an accountability partner:

this is someone you’ll check in with on a daily basis who will help keep you on track with the activities you’ve committed to executing. there’s nothing like having a person expecting you to check in with them to motivate you to get a thing done!

2. a mastermind group:

this is a small group of people (ideally 4-7) who meet at a predetermined time. what i dig the most about a mastermind is you get to utilize the collective intelligence of the group. you can present ideas, struggles, projects, speeches, etc and benefit from the peer mentoring inside the group. for me, the ideal mastermind would have people from backgrounds unique to mine so i may gain perspectives i don’t currently have.

3. a personal coach:

you don’t have to be in an incredible amount of struggle or pain or trauma to need a coach. you CAN be, but it’s not a requirement. the best coaches help bring out the best in you. i heard my coach say at one point,

“the only people who need coaches are those who want to achieve their goals and dreams.”

pretty much.

4. a mentor:

a mentor is a person who is in your business or a similar industry who has done what you want to do and gone where you want to go. their role is to teach and offer guidance.

5. live events:

it is important that we get out of our normal routine for learning. there’s something that shifts when we’ve inconvenienced ourselves with the investment of time, energy, and money to travel and get in a room outside of our typical habits and routines. we’re telling our brain, “hey. pay attention. this thing here is important.” plus, we get the added benefit of connecting with likeminded people and their energy is contagious. in a live event, learning is magnified, deepened, and the ripple effect is tangible.

so, there you have it. the five main ingredients of a dope support system.

one of my clients recently asked, “do we need all 5 or will just a couple work?”

GREAT question!

a couple would work.

AND, the more you have, the stronger your success team will be. and you my friend, YOU are worthy of a world class success team.

do you need support?

email me : michelle@coachmichellemoore.com

xoxo

is the path you’re walking taking you where you want to go?

just because you’ve been walking the same way on the same path for a looooonnnnnnnnng time, doesn’t mean that path is taking you where you want to go.

it’s possible, that it’s time to change directions.

i’ve been in this super reflective space all week and just an hour or so ago, i threw my 2018 planner in the trashcan. along with it, i threw my 2017 planner away. yup. i’d been holding onto that as well.

it’s funny how we keep things because we have convinced ourselves that holding onto something is easier than throwing it out.

even if it’s no longer fulfilling a purpose… no longer serving us.

dang.

change requires us to look at how we’re operating.
our habits
our patterns
our behaviors
our routines
our choices

and after looking, we want to ask ourselves:
“is this serving me?”
“is this working?”
“is this going to take me to this next level?”

and if the answer is “NOPE”, then we owe it to ourselves to make a change.

so, i’ve been changing.

i’m replacing habits.
i’m creating new patterns.
i’m practicing new behaviors.
i’m crafting new routines.
i’m making new intentional choices.

here are a few of my personal reflections…

1. i have a tendency toward complication.

i’m human so i can (sometimes) make things harder– more complicated– than they need to be.

what i know for sure is that life can be complicated.

why on earth would i add to that complication by efforting so hard and making my solutions complicated???

would you like to know what slices through complication 100% of the time?

simplicity.

2. newton’s first law of motion.

an object at rest stays at rest and an object in motion stays in motion with the same speed and the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force.

here’s what that law means to me:
i’ll continue doing things the same way i’ve always done them unless i choose to intentionally stop and make a change.

and the way i’ve always done things probably won’t work for me in creating this new life i long to be living; and it certainly won’t lead me down this new path i crave to travel.

what i’ve done so far has gotten me to where i am so far and if i want to go anywhere different than i am right now, things have to evolve.

i have to be willing to do something new.

i have to be willing to travel somewhere i’ve never traveled before.

i have to be willing to become the woman who will attract my desires.

and that’s much more about UNbecoming who i’m not than it is about BEcoming someone new.

3. my life is waiting for me.

and so is yours.
we’ve got to get in the game.
we’ve got to participate in the manifestation of our dreams.

wishing and hoping and praying and meditating are all amazing things to do.

AND, you’ve gotta back them up with action.

your life is waiting for YOU to participate.
your life is waiting for YOU to get off the sidelines.
your life is waiting for YOU to stop talking and start BEing.
your life is waiting for YOU to stop pretending.
your life is waiting for YOU to say YES.
your life is waiting for YOU to go all in.
your life is waiting for YOU.

show up.
you’re worth it.
you don’t have to know the details.
you don’t have to see the answers before you say yes.
you don’t have to see the path.
in fact, that request right there?
it is an impossible request.

and if that’s where you’re stuck, i get it. i spent much of my life there.

but the reality is, as my coach says, “there’s no familiar path to a new territory.”

you can learn to trust yourself to try.
i know you can because i did.

if you know you need support and you’re ready to take action, send me an e–mail. i’d love to set up a time to chat with you.

happy new year friend.

xo

I was both the ringmaster and the circus animal.

This image effects me in a deep way…

There is a tightening in my jaw.

A tension in my neck.

A dull, but present ache in my chest.

Once I allowed the sadness to come and wash over me, I sat with my truth.

The truth of what I saw in this disturbing picture.

A version of my punisher.

The part of me that does not like me.

The part of me who spent years telling me that I would be worthy and valuable if – and only if – I achieved perfection.

The part of me who demanded I adjust, assimilate, and accommodate those around me in order to be worthy of their attention.

The part of me who cracked her whip and shouted, “PERFORM!”

I was on a call with my coach recently when I was struck with an analogy that created a nauseous feeling in my stomach.

I spent much of my life as a circus animal.

Performing.

Night after night. Show after show. Doing tricks for applause. Wearing whatever mask or costume you wanted. Dancing, standing on my back legs, jumping through rings of fire, or just sitting pretty -poised on a stool waiting for my next instruction. Working hard. Working SO hard. My ferocious work ethic fueled by the hope that I’d get rewarded for making the ringmaster happy.

And if I didn’t?

Back to my cage. Alone. To think about what I did. What I didn’t do. And how I could do more, be more, try harder. I wasn’t just seeking external validation. I was inspecting constantly. And in my inspection, I was internally invalidating myself, my choices, my physical appearance, my performance…

You are wrong.

You are bad.

You are unworthy.

You disgust me.

You are fat.

You are ugly.

Fix this. Fix that. Fix everything.

Do more, more, more, MORE!

You are not and never will be enough.

“Okay” I said. Next time. I will work harder.

And I did.

For years.

One of the most empowering things I ever did, was taking responsibility for my personal healing and happiness.

But, the most empowering thing I have done to date, was take full ownership of my personal abuse as the abuser.

I was the punisher.

That was my hand striking the blows.

Those were my words coming out of my mouth.

Was this a learned behavior?

Absolutely.

But the source of the learning was no longer doing the abuse. And keeping myself tethered; a hostage to the teachings was MY doing.

And it was time to own up to that.

Not to abuse myself further. Not to put one more thing on the list of things to feel bad about. NO.

Embedded in my personal responsibility was my freedom… my healing. If I was the one doing it, I was the one who could stop.

You see, for many years I fully believed I deserved to be punished.

But my friends.

When you’re ready to stop.

When you come to the place where you believe you have suffered enough.

You will stop fighting against yourself; fighting against others.

And you will begin to fight for her.

In advocacy.

In love.

Not protection. She doesn’t need protection if you’re not beating her up.

And in that journey, you will heal the relationship with yourself.

So many of these patterns have been embedded for years.

Please give yourself grace as you travel along your path.

Be patient with yourself as you travel your personal healing journey.

But please keep going.

I promise, you are the one you’re waiting for.

xo,

Michelle

If I may be of any support, please connect with me:

Email: coachmichellemoore@gmail.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/coachmichellemoore/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/coachmichellemoore/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCmA27XKdDoD-ftj75inhoaA?view_as=subscriber