your dreams are dying in the life you’re not living.

Desires.

For so long I pretended I was unworthy. Like I had to do more and be more to earn the right to want. Ugh. “Earn the right to want…”

The law had been written and I had declared, “I never was nor would I ever be enough.” I had crowned myself “unworthy” and so it was.

Eventually, I stopped wanting. It wasn’t safe. It was too risky.

My dreams and desires were trapped. Locked inside my soul, fighting to come out– to come alive. Longing to be spoken out loud into the Universe, fueled by the oxygen of my breath. But, I’d build a wall to keep them in.

And yet I stood there yelling about how I can’t dream and how I don’t know what I want, but the reality was, I’d built the wall to trap my desires. I put the padlock on the chains, I latched it closed, the lock was on MY side of the door, and I was the one person holding the only key.

And yet, I was angry and throwing a fit about how it wasn’t fair.

Like many of you, I was waiting. Telling myself, I’d express my desires if a few standards were met…

I had to know it was safe.

I needed “them” to prove they could be trusted with my desires.

And more than that? I needed to know for sure that what I wanted would come true before I dare speak anything out loud.

Can you relate?

Good luck with that.

You’re going to wait forever.

Why?

Because you’re requesting the impossible. You’re demanding an unknown prediction of the future so that you can ensure everything will work out the way you want it to and if and only if you get the guarantee will you then come back to the present and take action and speak your desires aloud.

Pretending you “don’t know” feels safer.

Pretending feels more comfortable than confronting the truth: Your desires and dreams are not safe with you.

How do I know? Because I wasn’t safe with me for years. I couldn’t trust myself so I hunted for my answers– sought out my dreams– in others. “You tell me what I should want,” I’d say.

My gluttonous consumption of information and my addiction to the intoxication– high off of the answers others gave me– had me waking up everyday with a pounding headache and a hangover from hell because the shots they poured and what I guzzled down didn’t have the capacity to satiate my soul’s real longing.

Things began to change for me when I admitted all of this to myself and recognized that the solutions I was getting were to the questions I was asking, but I wasn’t asking the right questions.

Friend, it is possible to live a life liberated. It is possible to dismantle and transform the lie you’re living disguised as a life you’re not living, extinguish your suffering, unlock the padlock, and release your soul.

xo

how to “do” self love

the other day i posed the question, how do you “DO” self love?

i think many of us talk about it, but how many of us actually BE about it? what does it mean to DO it? to take ACTION?

i was chatting with a client last week and we spoke about how awareness is the first step, but the only thing that has the power to change anything in our lives is ACTION.

and yet, how many of us are stuck?

aware and stuck.

i have been pondering this conversation and contemplating how i can help.

what’s the catalyst to move from awareness into action?

i recalled that in the past, i have shared with my clients that a very simple way to begin the practice of self love is to think of someone or something that you love and write down 5 ways you treat them.

that list might look like:

i pay attention and really listen when they speak to me

i spend quality, uninterrupted time with them

i honor their needs

i respect their boundaries

i have fun with them and play with them

but this morning, i realized– this list– is the ideal way i’d treat them. it’s how i feel i should treat them.

and then i asked myself a hard question, is it what i DO?

and i’m a bit embarrassed to say, that with the specific person i was thinking of, my honest answer was, “nope.”

here’s how my list would look if we were evaluating my ACTIONS:

i put her after most other things

i am often distracted in our quality time

i am frequently tired when we’re together

i can be lazy and allow things to run on autopilot

i can be impatient and energetically demanding

if this is true, then me telling me to treat myself like someone i love means to put me after everything else, be distracted and not present, be lazy with my care, make thoughtless choices, run myself down, and hold high and unrealistic expectations and throw a fit when they go unmet.

that’s when i realized, THAT is actually the bigger conversation.

many of us will want to

need to

redefine our relationship to LOVE

and, i hear you… HOOOOOWWWWWWWWW?????????

so, here’s my encouragement…

if this applies to you (and i know it won’t apply to everyone), don’t make your ideal list wrong.

explore it.

i believe it’s your inner child speaking. celebrate that– celebrate her.

there is a divine feminine energy in you that longs to nurture and love and care for self and others.

allow that– allow her desires and longings to be exposed.

and then?

pick one thing from your list.

just one.

i know our precious human brain wants to go from not-love to love immediately and zip from a zero to a ten in 0.5 second flat and while all of that is cute, it is unrealistic and not at all sustainable.

so, if you’re committed to implementing actionable self-love, pick one thing.

and then practice.

practice toward others and practice toward self.

and reverse the order.

practice toward self and then practice toward them.

we cannot give what we do not possess.

for me?

i choose “i pay attention and really listen when they speak”.

so, from this place of choice, how can i pay attention and really listen when i speak?

for me, the first step is giving myself a voice.

i’ve begun pausing throughout the day and asking myself, “what do you want right now?” or “what do you need in this moment?” and then i’ve been listening.  

if my back hurts and wants to lie down, i create space for that.  

if my eyes are tired and want to rest, i let that be okay.  

if my body is craving food, i feed her. 

if my heart is longing for connection, i find ways to give that to her.

it’s not hard. but it does take practice.

and i’m worth it.

and so are you.

need tips that are specific to YOU and the unique individual you are? send me an email at michelle@coachmichellemoore.com and lets set up a time to chat.

xo