ignoring what is doesn’t make it not

 

full speed ahead 24/7/365 causes crashes
 
i know because
i’ve been on the floor
more than once
i’ve lost my sh*t
so many times i stopped counting
i’ve cried hysterically
after screaming at the top of my lungs
when something didn’t go my way
or plans changed
i’ve been so tense my muscles
forgot how to relax
i’ve clawed at my skin
to hold down the rage
 
but you didn’t know
i wouldn’t let you know
on the outside
i was successful
i was achieving
i was helpful & reliable
i looked the part
i was nice
i was friendly
i was pretty & polished
 
on the inside
i was raging
i was short-circuiting
i was melting down
i was burning out
 
>> many successful women are burning out <<
 
it’s a badge of honor to be busy & exhausted
we brag about our lack of sleep and long hours
like they give out awards for suffering
 
we drink a bottle of wine a night
every night
gotta numb out
so we can function
 
we take pills
to stop our tears
to block our emotions
we don’t have time to open that flood gate
if we did
we doubt
it would ever close
we’ve been locked up
so long
silent
for years
 
our hard work is our salvation
really our protection
disguised as our perfection
keeping us from slowing down long enough
to look at the reality of our lives
 
burnout doesn’t happen overnight
it’s a slow burning fuse
 
>> there are warnings << 
 

the problem is, most of us ignore them because they are so accepted and expected that we don’t recognize them for the red flags they are

so
we push harder
motivating ourselves with self-abuse
 
it’s called being an adult
we say
pull it together
put your big girl panties on
just do it
what’s wrong with you
we ask
so-and-so has it worse than you
you’re so lazy
and then we justify
 
it’s not that bad
everyone i know is fried
i’m too busy
i don’t have time
today is the ONLY day to get things done
look at our to-do list
he needs me
they need me
she needs me
it’s fine
i’m fine
i’m fine
bullshit
 
first, you’re not fine
second, fine is not a feeling
 
let’s stop pretending
let’s look at what is REAL
ignoring what is doesn’t make it not
 
if you’re curious about what you might be missing, click here and grab The 31 Most Commonly Missed Signs of Burnout for Women
 
it’s time we reclaim our power 🔥
 
xoxo
 

[ < firestarter > ]

the cannibalistic cycle ⁣⁣
of miserable determination ⁣⁣
consumed by the me ⁣⁣
i now be ⁣⁣
⁣⁣
the fire ⁣⁣
still alive in me ⁣⁣
transformed ⁣⁣
by me⁣⁣
the scathing, self-loathing ⁣⁣
giving birth to the breath ⁣⁣
of liberation ⁣⁣
⁣⁣
finally willing to feel ⁣⁣
the flames ⁣⁣
allowing them to melt ⁣⁣
all of the me ⁣⁣
i spent my life⁣⁣
pretending to be ⁣⁣
the pretty me⁣⁣
the polished me⁣⁣
the perfect me ⁣⁣
i felt the burning heat ⁣⁣
melting ⁣⁣
and stood there⁣⁣
screaming ⁣⁣
breathtaking ⁣⁣
taking my breath ⁣⁣
away ⁣⁣
as the ⁣⁣
flames ⁣⁣
initially ⁣⁣
evoking fear ⁣⁣
in the me ⁣⁣
i used to be⁣⁣
scaring me ⁣⁣
which is why ⁣⁣
the me ⁣⁣
i used to be⁣⁣
𝘜𝘚𝘌𝘋 to not feel ⁣⁣
the intensity ⁣⁣
of the heat ⁣⁣
on my sensitive skin⁣⁣
⁣⁣
the me i used to be ⁣⁣
ran ⁣⁣
terrified of the inevitable ⁣⁣
necessary ⁣⁣
destruction ⁣⁣
consumption ⁣⁣
⁣⁣
the fear inside⁣⁣
the me ⁣⁣
i used to be⁣⁣
grew into fascination ⁣⁣
i found myself⁣⁣
intrigued ⁣⁣
by the burning⁣⁣
masochistic in my curiosity ⁣⁣
yet paralyzed ⁣⁣
wanting to step ⁣⁣
ever closer⁣⁣
yet cemented ⁣⁣
in the me ⁣⁣
i used to be ⁣⁣
unable to take ⁣⁣
one ⁣⁣
single ⁣⁣
step⁣⁣
⁣⁣
until the moment ⁣⁣
⁣⁣
yearning for everything⁣⁣
i’d spent years protecting ⁣⁣
pretending⁣⁣
to be ⁣⁣
to be⁣⁣
destroyed⁣⁣
begging ⁣⁣
for my fragile front⁣⁣
to be decimated⁣⁣
⁣⁣
by me⁣⁣
the firestarter ⁣⁣
⁣⁣
pulled into the magnetic flames ⁣⁣
of my own vulnerable authenticity ⁣⁣
⁣⁣
ready to be reborn ⁣⁣

[2015]

wants upon a time…


i took this picture four years ago⁣
to the day⁣
january 3rd, 2015⁣


i remember this moment⁣
i wanted to capture it⁣


i was sad and pissed⁣
in a good way⁣
fired up⁣
about my own self⁣


i’d been working with a coach…
involved in personal development…
attending live events…
doing all of this for just over a year⁣…
and in this moment…
standing in the kitchen in my condo⁣…

i was done
pretending⁣
faking it⁣
acting like i was happy when i wasn’t⁣
i was done
with the bullsh*t
with MY bullsh*t


annndddd⁣
allow me to be ⁣
REALLY
REALLY
CLEAR⁣


standing there⁣
i didn’t have the answers⁣
i was struggling financially⁣
i was unfulfilled ⁣
i was working in a career i no longer wanted to be in⁣
i was uncertain of my purpose ⁣
i was unsure of my next moves⁣
i had no clarity on the how or the what or any of the specifics ⁣

AND⁣

the first step ⁣
the one i think folks frequently forget about ⁣
the FIRST step⁣
is the one where you get tired of your own bullsh*t

you get tired of hitting the wall you keep hitting⁣
you get tired of the sexy stories (lies)
the lies you’re telling
about how you’re fine
it’s fine
you’re happy
it’s okay
you’re okay⁣
you get tired
of being sick
you get tired⁣
of being so tired

because it’s from THAT point ⁣
that point where you’re done ⁣
that point when you’re really ready to put down the struggle ⁣
it’s from that point⁣
things can change⁣
and by things⁣
i mean ⁣


E  V  E  R  Y  T  H  I N  G⁣


i didn’t know…

four months after i took this pic i’d invest in a coaching certification⁣

i didn’t know…

one year after that i’d be a certified neruotransformational coach

and my friend
i didn’t have the capacity
i lacked the vision
to see that four years after i took this picture i’d be…⁣

happier than i ever imagined was possible⁣
fulfilled at a level i thought someone like me could never reach⁣
so on fire ⁣
fiercely passionate⁣
crazy wild ⁣
courageous⁣
in love with me⁣
in love with life⁣
in love with humanity ⁣
on purpose⁣
deep in my trust and knowingness that i’ve got me⁣


i knew people lived this way⁣
i’d heard of ’em⁣
i’d seen one or two ⁣
but i did not
SHE did not know it was possible for her⁣

she had no clue what was coming for her⁣
and friend, neither do you⁣

my invitation is to get in the work on yourself⁣
invest in your healing ⁣
THAT is what’s necessary⁣
that’s the answer to your struggle ⁣
it may not be the answer you’re looking for ⁣
it may not be the answer you want to hear⁣
but it is the answer⁣
the REAL answer ⁣
there are no shortcuts ⁣
no quick fixes⁣
no one-size-fits-all approach to your UNIQUE self⁣

you’re not broken⁣
you can heal ⁣
you can learn to love and trust yourself⁣
it is possible for someone like you⁣
i promise⁣
but i don’t know any of us⁣
who do it alone⁣

if you want to talk about what that would or could look like, ask⁣

if i’m not the one, find you someone⁣

your future self will thank you⁣


xo