the cannibalistic cycle of miserable determination consumed by the me i now be the fire still alive in me transformed by me the scathing, self-loathing giving birth to the breath of liberation finally willing to feel the flames allowing them to melt all of the me i spent my life pretending to be the pretty me the polished me the perfect me i felt the burning heat melting and stood there screaming breathtaking taking my breath away as the flames initially evoking fear in the me i used to be scaring me which is why the me i used to be 𝘜𝘚𝘌𝘋 to not feel the intensity of the heat on my sensitive skin the me i used to be ran terrified of the inevitable necessary destruction consumption the fear inside the me i used to be grew into fascination i found myself intrigued by the burning masochistic in my curiosity yet paralyzed wanting to step ever closer yet cemented in the me i used to be unable to take one single step until the moment yearning for everything i’d spent years protecting pretending to be to be destroyed begging for my fragile front to be decimated by me the firestarter pulled into the magnetic flames of my own vulnerable authenticity ready to be reborn
wants upon a time… i took this picture four years ago to the day january 3rd, 2015 i remember this moment i wanted to capture it i was sad and pissed in a good way fired up about my own self i’d been working with a coach… involved in personal development… attending live events… doing all of this for just over a year… and in this moment… standing in the kitchen in my condo… i was done pretending faking it acting like i was happy when i wasn’t i was done with the bullsh*t with MY bullsh*t annndddd allow me to be REALLY REALLY CLEAR standing there i didn’t have the answers i was struggling financially i was unfulfilled i was working in a career i no longer wanted to be in i was uncertain of my purpose i was unsure of my next moves i had no clarity on the how or the what or any of the specifics AND the first step the one i think folks frequently forget about the FIRST step is the one where you get tired of your own bullsh*t you get tired of hitting the wall you keep hitting you get tired of the sexy stories (lies) the lies you’re telling about how you’re fine it’s fine you’re happy it’s okay you’re okay you get tired of being sick you get tired of being so tired because it’s from THAT point that point where you’re done that point when you’re really ready to put down the struggle it’s from that point things can change and by things i mean
E V E R Y T H I N G i didn’t know…
four months after i took this pic i’d invest in a coaching certification i didn’t know…
one year after that i’d be a certified neruotransformational coach and my friend i didn’t have the capacity i lacked the vision to see that four years after i took this picture i’d be… happier than i ever imagined was possible fulfilled at a level i thought someone like me could never reach so on fire fiercely passionate crazy wild courageous in love with me in love with life in love with humanity on purpose deep in my trust and knowingness that i’ve got me i knew people lived this way i’d heard of ’em i’d seen one or two but i did not SHE did not know it was possible for her she had no clue what was coming for her and friend, neither do you my invitation is to get in the work on yourself invest in your healing THAT is what’s necessary that’s the answer to your struggle it may not be the answer you’re looking for it may not be the answer you want to hear but it is the answer the REAL answer there are no shortcuts no quick fixes no one-size-fits-all approach to your UNIQUE self you’re not broken you can heal you can learn to love and trust yourself it is possible for someone like you i promise but i don’t know any of us who do it alone if you want to talk about what that would or could look like, ask if i’m not the one, find you someone your future self will thank you xo
