ignoring what is doesn’t make it not

 

full speed ahead 24/7/365 causes crashes
 
i know because
i’ve been on the floor
more than once
i’ve lost my sh*t
so many times i stopped counting
i’ve cried hysterically
after screaming at the top of my lungs
when something didn’t go my way
or plans changed
i’ve been so tense my muscles
forgot how to relax
i’ve clawed at my skin
to hold down the rage
 
but you didn’t know
i wouldn’t let you know
on the outside
i was successful
i was achieving
i was helpful & reliable
i looked the part
i was nice
i was friendly
i was pretty & polished
 
on the inside
i was raging
i was short-circuiting
i was melting down
i was burning out
 
>> many successful women are burning out <<
 
it’s a badge of honor to be busy & exhausted
we brag about our lack of sleep and long hours
like they give out awards for suffering
 
we drink a bottle of wine a night
every night
gotta numb out
so we can function
 
we take pills
to stop our tears
to block our emotions
we don’t have time to open that flood gate
if we did
we doubt
it would ever close
we’ve been locked up
so long
silent
for years
 
our hard work is our salvation
really our protection
disguised as our perfection
keeping us from slowing down long enough
to look at the reality of our lives
 
burnout doesn’t happen overnight
it’s a slow burning fuse
 
>> there are warnings << 
 

the problem is, most of us ignore them because they are so accepted and expected that we don’t recognize them for the red flags they are

so
we push harder
motivating ourselves with self-abuse
 
it’s called being an adult
we say
pull it together
put your big girl panties on
just do it
what’s wrong with you
we ask
so-and-so has it worse than you
you’re so lazy
and then we justify
 
it’s not that bad
everyone i know is fried
i’m too busy
i don’t have time
today is the ONLY day to get things done
look at our to-do list
he needs me
they need me
she needs me
it’s fine
i’m fine
i’m fine
bullshit
 
first, you’re not fine
second, fine is not a feeling
 
let’s stop pretending
let’s look at what is REAL
ignoring what is doesn’t make it not
 
if you’re curious about what you might be missing, click here and grab The 31 Most Commonly Missed Signs of Burnout for Women
 
it’s time we reclaim our power 🔥
 
xoxo
 

who are you?

 

my friend…

i wrote this long post on instagram earlier and i’ve spent many moments today questioning.  wondering if maybe the post would’ve been better received had i put it here in the blog. i hear myself silently judging…

maybe it’s too long for the gram.  who is reading all this anyway?  no one cares.  this probably isn’t what they want to see… is it?

jeez.  when i tell myself THAT bullshit, disempowering story there’s only one thing i want to do.

HIDE.

i hear my old inner voice yelling, “retreat!  abort mission!”

the truth is, i am human and as a human, it’s super easy for my old stories to pop up.

i keep reminding myself of this truth while my brain contemplates taking the post down.

but i don’t.

why not?

because i’m experimenting.  i am playing with length, with language, with where and when and how i show up.  and there is no room for judgment in experiments.  just noticing.  then tweaking. then trying again.

plus, my gosh.  who can tell who sees what on social media anymore?!  there is so much out there that if you’re not intentional with deliberately searching for someone and their posts, well– you probably won’t see them.

so here’s what i shared earlier today:

{who am i}
I don’t know ⁣⁣
⁣⁣
You tell me ⁣⁣
I’ll be ⁣⁣
What you need ⁣⁣
Me to be ⁣⁣
To be ⁣⁣
Loved ⁣⁣
⁣⁣
I am ⁣⁣
Who I ⁣⁣
Pretend to be ⁣⁣
Scared to be ⁣⁣
The real me ⁣⁣
Safe ⁣
Under the mask ⁣⁣
I spent my whole life constructing ⁣⁣
⁣⁣
Getting to know ⁣⁣
The woman under ⁣⁣
Cover of protection ⁣⁣
Has been ⁣⁣
Messy⁣⁣
Has felt ⁣
Scary ⁣
I’ve felt ⁣
Angry ⁣
It’s been ⁣
Exquisite ⁣
⁣⁣
You’re in there ⁣⁣
You see ⁣
You’re just ⁣
Buried ⁣⁣
Beneath ⁣
Programmed  ⁣⁣
For protection ⁣⁣
Heart crying⁣⁣
For imperfection ⁣⁣
Soul dying ⁣⁣
For connection ⁣⁣

It is possible to unbecome ⁣⁣
Everything you’re not ⁣⁣
You can let⁣
The layers crumble ⁣
You can take ⁣
The mask off ⁣
You can allow ⁣
Everything you are ⁣⁣
To show ⁣⁣
To shine ⁣⁣
To glow ⁣⁣

Noooo⁣!!!!!!!!!!
They can’t know ⁣
They can’t see ⁣
Me exposed ⁣

⁣Please know⁣⁣
While this may feel scary ⁣⁣
The fear is only temporary ⁣⁣
The pain of pretending ⁣⁣
The weight of the mask ⁣⁣
The effort of the act ⁣⁣
Is slowly killing you ⁣⁣
Crushing your spirit ⁣⁣
Choking off your soul’s song ⁣
⁣⁣
You deserve ⁣
Life unleashed ⁣⁣
Freedom ⁣⁣
Happiness ⁣⁣
Love  ⁣⁣
Real love ⁣
Wild ⁣
Crazy ⁣
Unapologetic ⁣
Authentic ⁣
Deep love ⁣
From the inside out ⁣
⁣⁣
⁣My friend ⁣
You are love ⁣

⁣She is waiting ⁣
For you ⁣
Begging you ⁣
Please ⁣
Come home ⁣⁣

⁣Reunite⁣
With yourself ⁣⁣
By yourself ⁣⁣
Fall⁣
Into yourself ⁣⁣
Surrender ⁣
Trust ⁣
You’ve got you ⁣

for me?

the journey home has been truly magical, beautiful, and an incredible adventure– one i am still traveling.

writing my story has reminded me of so much pain i numbed out and avoided for so many years.

writing my story has also reconnected me to how much i’ve shed and unbecome over the past five years.

my deepest desire is to affirm hope.  wherever you are, whatever you’re going through– when you’re ready, you can heal.

 

you don’t have to pretend.  i promise.  and yet i know.

 

i remember how very alluring and seductive the mask can be and how positively scary the exposure can feel.  i know how terrifying visibility can feel and i know for many of us, our protection is rooted deep and has been for many, many, many years.

 

i don’t expect you to simply read this, rip the mask off, and show up as the real you all the time in every situation.  maybe that’ll be what happens, but if you’re like most of us, it’ll be a process.

 

your unbecoming will be a journey.

 

no matter how long it takes, you’re worth it.

no matter the effort required, you’re worthy.

 

and i’ll tell you what– it’ll probably take a lot less effort and energy and time than you think.

 

if there is anything at all i can do to help support you in the shedding of your layers i hope you’ll reach out.

 

you my sweet friend, you are not alone.

 

 

xo

 

perfection was my protection

 

 

Yesterday I heard my coach say, “We are programmed for protection and dying for connection.” 

His statement shook me.

I felt it in my core.

I messaged him back and shared how I had said on a video just a few days prior, my perfection was my protection.

I got what he was saying.

I FELT both the power and the sadness in his words.

So much of who we are is buried underneath who we’re pretending to be.  My belief is if we want to know who we are, we must get intimately connected with the false self we present to the world.  Acknowledgment of this facade is the first step in reconnecting with our core self.

After sitting with his words all day, I wrote the following:

 

{the soul’s slow death}

Pain 

Programming 

Me 

Screaming 

Danger 

Run

Hide 

Dictating 

Me 

Build walls

Suit up 

For safety 

For us 

We must 

We have to 

Survival 

Dependent upon 

The strength of the steel

Stronger 

Stronger 

Singularly focused 

On construction 

Adding 

Layer upon 

Layer upon 

Unaware 

My soul 

Was in lock up 

I’d imprisoned myself   

In a body mask of perfection 

Intricately crafted 

With my own hands 

Built to protect 

Serving its purpose 

Fulfilling its duty 

Standing guard 

At the gates 

Pacing 

Keep out 

Keep out 

Nothing in 

Nothing in 

Blind to the consequence 

Numb to the pain 

Afraid to see 

The enemy I was fleeing 

Was trapped in with me

Death was imminent 

I was suffocating  

Inside the armor 

Collapsing under the weight 

Begging for release 

Voice hoarse from yelling

Silent screams 

Help me 

H E L P 

M E 

Set me free 

Pretending I lacked 

The ability 

To put down 

My shield 

Take off 

My mask 

Melt 

My armor 

Pretending I was trapped 

By an outside hand 

Lungs filled with metal dust 

From a decision made 

Many years ago 

Now 

Longing to connect 

Losing 

My self

My soul

My sanity 

In solitary 

Confinement 

Locked up 

Just the way 

She wanted

 

 

I feel the heaviness– the weight of the words as I read them.  This is my story and yet I know I am not alone.

It’s no longer my reality, but it is part of my past pain.

Owning this truth was the launching point for my transformation– my unbecoming.

There is hope for your healing.

These masks we wear are not who we are.

They are part of our programmed self.

Identities we craft for protection.

However, for most of us, we are moving through this world as adults with wounded little girls and boys locked up inside.  Those children longing to connect with us and with each other.  We can do it.  We can heal.  We can save our souls.  But we have to be willing.

Willing to see.

Willing to really look at the armor.

Willing to confront the costs along with the benefits.

Willing to recognize that it’s a suit we wear– not the soul we are.

Willing to feel the weight in our bones.

Willing get support in removing the layers.

Willing to remove them with love; not rip them off in anger and disgust.

Willing to meet and rediscover who we are underneath the protection.

I am not saying it will be easy.

I am not saying it will be hard.

I am saying it will be worth it.

You are worth it.

You are worthy.

 

xo,

Michelle

 

 

How to go about reinventing the YOU that people know ….

 

Awhile ago I shared the following on Facebook:

 

 

Listen.

It’s NEVER too late to begin again…
To try something new…
To walk away from your current reality and boldly step into the unknown… 
It might be scary, but it’s NEVER too late.

You can create, recreate, write, scribble out, and rewrite your life as many times as you want.

Do not let anyone who gave up on what’s possible for them tell you what you can or cannot do.

 

BUT HOWWWWWWW??????????????” 

 

What follows are my thoughts on how to go about reinventing the YOU that people know and are “used to” interacting with.

 

1. Decide what you want and what feels in alignment for you NOW.

Now.

Meaning this moment.

What do you want?

Who do you want to be?

How do you want to show up in the world?

What’s important to you?

What lights you up?

What brings you joy?

What makes you laugh?

What are you doing when you lose all track of time?

What are you talking about when the conversations can go on for hours?

 

I hereby give you permission to have your answers be totally different than what excited you a year ago or last month or yesterday or even earlier today.

I hereby give you permission to choose what YOU want and not what anyone else (including your intimate partner or mom or dad or religious leader or boss) has told you you should want.

I hereby give you permission to evolve into a new person by unbecoming all that you’re not.  I shared an image on Instagram that sums this up perfectly, “Just because you used to be doesn’t mean you have to be.” 

 

But.

If you’re experiencing resistance, I get it.

I used to be super concerned with what other people thought I “should” write about or “should” speak about or “should” do videos about or even what I “should” post or not post on social media.

So, yeah.  I’ve definitely been there.

Until now.

Now?

Well, I care deeply for others, but I no longer give a f*ck.

I am unleashed and I will no longer hold myself back.

I will no longer allow myself to be chained by the expectations of what others think is best for me or what they believe I should or should not be doing.

In fact, I recently recorded a video on this exact topic.  Message me if you haven’t seen it and want to.  

So, again…

You are allowed to reinvent yourself.

 

And if you have NO CLUE what you want or what brings you joy, I invite you to set up a free consultation call with a coach.  Personally, I’d be more than willing to support you in the process of tapping into your deep desires.

 

2.  Be patient with yourself.  It’s okay if you’re not quite ready yet.

It can be super easy to get frustrated in the interim.

The space between.

Stepping into the unknown has the potential to be frightening to our brains.  The truth is, we like comfort.

We like comfort even if that comfort is painful or miserable.

Have you ever heard the phrase, “The devil you know is better than the one you don’t”?

While it may LOGICALLY sound absurd, I want you to know that to your subconscious mind, known misery feels way better than the unknown POSSIBILITY of joy.

I get it.

I’ve been in that place.

To be honest, I have personally taken as long a a year to fully embody a decision and step forward into taking action on that decision.

I’m not saying you HAVE to take that long, but if you do, it’s okay.

It’s okay because it is.

Your journey is personal and beating yourself up as you walk it out won’t speed it up.

 

 

3.  Recognize that sometimes it’s best to stay quiet and when you’re ready, give notice.

In the space of uncertainty it’s easy to find yourself being influenced by the opinions of others.

If you’re uncertain, keep your mouth shut.

Sit still.

Meditate.

Check in with your heart and listen for the answers.

YOUR answers.

Sorting through the cacophony of the masses to find your own voice can be practically impossible and at best, it is a tedious and draining process.

It’s much easier to simply NOT invite them into the conversation in the first place.

I remember when I was debating chopping off my hair…

I made a conscious decision to not tell anyone because I didn’t want to hear what they had to say.  I wanted to be clear on what Michelle wanted before I invited anyone else into the conversation.

And once I was grounded in what I wanted, well, it became very easy to do what Lisa Nichols says, “Stop asking for permission.  Give the world notice.”

 

 

4.  Be willing to let go of the “old you” and her BS stories.

Oftentimes a part of you has to die.

Not literally, but figuratively.

The “old you” cannot contain the purpose of the “new you”.

She has to evolve.

To put it another way, if you want to change you are going to have to change.

You have to be willing to release old habits and behaviors that are no longer serving you.

It now becomes a choice of what’s most important.

Now.

Here’s what I KNOW to be true:

When the pain of change becomes less than the pain of staying the same, you will change.  And not one single second sooner.

 

 

5.  Other people may be triggered by your decision.  This isn’t your problem.

Be clear.

When you decide to make a change, it MAY trigger others.

Your courage will potentially highlight the fear and inaction of those around you.

People may not like the “new you”.

They may not embrace your choosing YOU.

They may not like who you’ve decided to become.

They may not be comfortable with who you no longer are.

None of this is your problem.

Marianne Williamson said it best, “Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.”

Again.

Care deeply.  And, don’t give a f*ck.

 

6.  Be willing to shift your “sunk cost” mentality.  Your investment of time or money is in the past.

It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been the “old you”?

It doesn’t matter how much time or money or energy you’ve spent doing what you “used to” do.

If you’re over it

If you’re done with the situation

Be willing to walk away.

It doesn’t matter if you’ve been in your relationship for 20 years.

Or if you’ve invested $100,000.00.

Or if it’s what you got your degree in.

Or if you’ve been with the same company for your whole career.

Or if it’s your family business.

Or if you’ve showed up “this way” for your entire life.

The fact that you’ve invested time or money or energy in something for so long is NOT a reason to stay with someone or something that creates misery in you or no longer is in alignment with who you are.

Before I cut my hair off, my one and only reason for not doing so was because of how long it took me to grow it out.

When I realized that, I made the appointment.

Maya Angelou said it perfectly, “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” 

 

 

Be willing to make a new choice.

I want to invite you choose YOU.

I promise that as you serve the needs and desires of your soul, the flames in the lives of others will be ignited.

I’ve seen it personally.

I’ve experienced it personally.

I KNOW it to be truth.

Your happiness and needs are JUST AS IMPORTANT as the happiness and needs of those around you.  And if that sentence creates any sort of irritation internally or brings up immediate resistance, please message me.  I’d love to chat with you.

 

It’s never too late to begin again.

I truly hope you boldly reinvent yourself as many times as necessary.

Have fun with it!

Play until you land with what resonates.

You’ll know it when you arrive there.

But in the meantime

the interim…

enjoy your journey!

 

xo,

Michelle