too much and not enough

 

 

i am a transformational geek.  i get high on facilitating transformation in other humans and i’m addicted to transforming my own life.  because of this, i welcome anything that “triggers” me.

if you’re unfamiliar with the term, what it means to me is anything that “sets me off”.

sets me off in anger, in upset, in irritation, etc..

the thing that comes first?

that is the trigger.

there are definitely positive triggers too.

things that can trigger laughter, joy, peace, etc…

so, this past weekend i’m at a live event to learn and grow in my business and on the second day, i get triggered.

i notice myself becoming concerned with how others are receiving me.

was that too much? maybe i shouldn’t have done that.  maybe i shouldn’t say that. i probably shouldn’t post that.  i need to calm down, reign it in, turn it down a little.  it might be- i might be too much.

i woke up the morning of the second day really inspired. i wanted to share something i’d written in our private facebook group.  instead of simply sharing my writing, i felt the pause of,  “i don’t know… maybe it’s too much.” 

so i didn’t share.

then about an hour later, i said, “you know what? this is valuable, i am proud of it, my heart says GO and i trust that.” 

so i posted it.

about half-way through the day, my coach made a comment that flipped my “too much” trigger and i went online immediately and i took it down.

defeated.

i put on my jacket, my body became tense and my legs started trembling. these are signals i am quite familiar with.

they are my body’s way of shouting, “houston. we have unexpressed emotions!”

we broke for lunch and i was deep in irritation.  i chose to sit in the irritation and not come out for a couple of hours.  as the evening progressed, things loosened up for me and i came back to myself.

the next day i asked for coaching support around the old story that got lit up.

you see, i want to be loved and i know i’m a lot to handle.

i’m a lot.

my personality is big.

my energy is big.

my truth is big.

i feel hard.

i love hard.

i am loud.

i look loud.

i talk loud.

i laugh loud.

i am a lot.

too much maybe…

here’s what i realized.

too much and not enough is the same story.

the SAME story!

unworthy.

and i’ve put that story to bed.  a long time ago.  it’s not my truth anymore.  it’s an OLD story that i was stuck in.  AND, the trigger brought up new awareness.  for that, i am incredibly grateful.

 

here’s what i want you to know.

you are love.

you are light.

don’t ever be afraid to shine.  the sun doesn’t care if she burns you.

people can stay indoors or slather on the spf.

their burn is actually not your responsibility.

but it can feel that way.

it felt that way to me.

but it’s NOT.

your obligation is to be unapologetically you.

that’s where your gifts are.

that’s where your truth is.

if you’re feeling like you can’t.

if you’re afraid who you are will hurt people.

if you’re stuck in “too much”.

if you believe you have to shrink to accommodate the comfort of others.

if you feel like you have to squash your voice or hold back i need you to know — those are lies.

everything that is not love is a lie.

and you my friend.

you are love.

 

xo