I realized today that I don’t trust myself.
How do I know? Well, let me share my (old) pattern. First, I take a step into something new. This could be a new group, a new training, a new entrepreneurial endeavor, or a new ANYTHING where I am unfamiliar. Subconsciously I say, “I don’t know how to do this…” and my actions are to ask for help and or research. As my coach pointed out to me today, neither of those things are necessarily bad, but my pattern of “I don’t know how to do this…” needs to stop.
Because if it doesn’t, I can (and I will and I have) stay stuck in preparation mode. Not acting. Not launching. Not producing. Not sharing. Not teaching. Not empowering. Not living out my purpose of transforming the planet.
Here’s what’s crazy. It’s been so much a part of who I am for so long, until it was pointed out to me today, I didn’t even realize I was doing it. My sabotage was literally on auto-pilot.
In this post, I want to teach you what I’ve learned about how to move from your “not enough story” into action.
1. Set yourself up with a support team.
We all have our blind spots. It’s as if our heads are stuck inside a box that sits on our shoulders and we cannot see anything outside of our box. All of our problems and struggles are inside the walls of our box, while all of our solutions are on the outside. So, we need support in seeing what we cannot see. From my experience, a support team has 5 elements: an accountability partner, a mastermind group, a private coach, live events, and a mentor. We need these people to help us become aware of the things we’re simply unable to see. Without my coach and my mastermind, I wouldn’t have come to recognize this pattern today. And, if I remain unaware, I stay stuck.
2. Identify that this sabotage is part of you, but it’s not the real you.
Something that’s really helpful is to name the parts of you that are sabotaging your success. I’m made up of Never Ready Nancy, Not Good Enough Natasha, Insecure Ingrid, Too Stupid Stephanie, Need To Learn More Naomi, Student Sabrina, Perfect Paula, Punisher Pam, Seeking Approval Astrid, Validation Val, and many more… Once I recognize these people as PART of me, but not the REAL ME, I can distinguish when one of them is taking the lead. It’s okay that they’re all traveling with me in the van, the important question is, who is in the driver’s seat?
3. Honor and accept these parts of you with love.
Recognize that while there are these parts of you that are sabotaging yourself, it’s all in an effort to protect the real you. Think of them as different identities that were developed to keep you safe and love them for that. Love them hard. I love Never Ready Nancy and how she makes sure that I’m prepared for whatever I am doing. I love Not Good Enough Natasha and the fact that she causes me to practice again and again in an effort to perfect my craft. I love Insecure Ingrid and how vulnerable she is. I love Too Stupid Stephanie and how she causes me to work hard and study more and make sure that I’m knowledgeable. I love Need To Learn More Naomi and Student Sabrina for the same reasons. I love Perfect Paula and how she wants me to put my very best foot forward. I love Punisher Pam and how she ultimately just wants me to be excellent. I love Seeking Approval Astrid and Validation Val and how much they love receiving praise from others and how the yearning for that praise pushes them to work so hard. I love the little girl who makes up all of these identities and how she’s afraid of being wrong, afraid of making a mistake, afraid of speaking up and saying the wrong thing, and afraid of not being good enough or smart enough to figure things out herself. I know that these parts of me that pretend not to know what to do are all acting from love and protection and I love them for that. I love them so much. They are doing a phenomenal job.
4. Identify what’s most important and take an action step.
What’s the ONE THING that will give you the biggest leap forward if you took action on it? What’s the ONE THING that you KNOW if you did it, would get you closer to your goal? Start there. With that one thing. Stop pretending that you’re going to execute 100 things and then using that as an excuse as to why you can’t do anything and simply focus on the ONE THING. For me today it was to make calls about booking speaking engagements. I decided to move Never Ready Nancy to the back of the van and put the REAL ME in the driver’s seat. Once I did that, it was easy to pick up the phone and dial. When I felt doubt creep in, I reassured Need To Learn More Naomi that we already knew enough and reminded Perfect Paula that even if we “messed up” we were still moving forward and that it was safe to take this step toward our dreams.
The truth is, this work isn’t easy. I won’t lie and say it is. I cried today as I unloaded all of my overwhelm on my Mastermind sisters. But then, after the awareness, I came to this beautiful place of acceptance. After that came the overwhelming love. And after that, came incredible clarity. Clarity in my message as I picked up the phone and called for more opportunities to speak. Clarity in the words to share here in this blog to teach and empower you. And clarity for a program I want to launch in the new year.
This shit is awesome and hard and amazing and it works and it’s worth it.
You’re worth it.
Let me know in the comments if any of this resonated with you and if you’re willing to name your sabotaging identities!