[ < permission to be me > ]

i spent years... so many years... S O M A N Y Y  E  A  R  S trying to become working to embody P E R F E C T I O N i'd convinced myself i fully believed P E R F E C T I O N was the thing i needed the finish-line i had to cross H  A  D    T  O  and IF if i could cross that line if i could make it i would be enough finally worthy of attention of approval of love i was exhausted continually performing in an act a show that never closed...

You can’t change what you won’t look at

When you move to make a change in your life, your unconscious mind will resist. "Nope.  We are not doing THAT." She may lash out or rage. She will dig her heels in. She will scream. "This doesn't feel good!!!! I don't like this at all!" She does not, I repeat, does not want to change. This feeling of massive resistance is natural. It is totally normal. It is all part of the process of change. Resistance is embedded in the pavement leading to...

[ < lock up > ]

"It's hard to see a way out, isn't it?" Yesterday I heard my coach say, "We are programmed for protection and dying for connection."  His statement shook me. I felt it in my core. I messaged him back and shared how I had said on a video just a few days prior, my perfection was my protection. I got what he was saying. I FELT both the power and the sadness in his words. So much of who we are is buried underneath who we're pretending to be. My...

Programmed to perform

This image effects me in a deep way... There is a tightening in my jaw. A tension in my neck. A dull, but present ache in my chest. Once I allowed the sadness to come and wash over me, I sat with my truth. The truth of what I saw in this picture. A version of my punisher. The part of me that does not like me. The part of me who spent years telling me that I would be worthy and valuable if - and only if - I achieved perfection. The part of me...

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