You can unlearn their stories



It’s real easy for me to seek outside myself for the answers.

What should I wear?
What should I say?
What books should I read?
What should I eat?
What course should I take?
Who should I follow?
What should I study?
Who should I trust?

My questions all some version of “What’s the right thing to do?”

One of my biggest drivers is to not be wrong.

In that state, I was at the mercy of everyone else while simultaneously reinforcing the (total BS, but very real) story that I can’t be trusted.

Here’s what I learned to do

Step 1 – I redefined “right”

For me, what’s “right” is what feels good for me at the moment.

My inner protector immediately said, “Absolutely not. We cannot trust ourselves with what feels good.” 👈🏻That’s part of our patriarchal programming.

I listened and acknowledged their fears. “You’re right. It is scary. And, it is going to be super fucking uncomfortable until it’s not and that’s okay. We’re going to be with it together. I’m going to be with you and we’re going to learn how to move with the discomfort and fear.”

And we did.
And we are.

Step 2 – Practice the ask

I ask myself + my body what she wants. Wants to eat, wants to wear, wants to read, wants to study, wants to do at this moment.

I ask her if and how she wants to move, when she wants to wake up, when she wants breaks, who she wants to work with and what she wants to do for fun.

Step 3 – I communicate with her + take action on her desires

Sometimes we take action right away and sometimes it’s later that day and sometimes we negotiate to a different day.

I practice trusting her by letting her lead.

And, sometimes I find myself wanting to ask someone if they think I should take a course or hire a coach or take a program or buy the book and in those moments, I smile and I pause.

I remind myself who I am and what I know and I seek an answer from the only person who knows what I want.

ME.

Now I DO believe in external support.

It’s important + necessary.

The support I invest in is support that helps ME tap into MY answers.

Why? Because I’m fucking brilliant about me.

Just like YOU are fucking brilliant about YOU and anyone who has told you differently (even if it’s you) is lying.

They are likely lying because they love you and are trying to keep you safe. And they are lying about you.

You can unlearn the stories.
You can heal your relationship with your reflection.
You can come safely home to who you really are.

Why am I so tired?

 

I don’t understand why I’m so tired…

For years, I needed to find a reason to explain the way I felt. ⁣
ESPECIALLY if the way I felt meant that I didn’t want to work. ⁣
🙋‍♀️ Do you relate?⁣
It was as though the fact that I was feeling tired wasn’t a good enough reason to rest, so I needed to search for some sort of justification. ⁣
I see this a lot with entrepreneurs. ⁣
✅ We have so many tasks⁣
✅ We have multiple things we want to accomplish⁣
✅ There are an unending amount of items to check-off our to do lists⁣
So if we feel *anything* other than work-driven, accomplish all the things, get it done right now, urgent energy…⁣
We feel less than⁣
Worthless
And in order to soothe the guilt that we feel for feeling tired, we search for the justification. ⁣
It is okay for us to rest if we’re sick. We can give ourselves permission to take time off if (and only if) we are ill. ⁣
But what if we ARE tired + we’re NOT sick? ⁣
What if we’re NOT running a fever?⁣
What if we don’t have the flu?⁣
➡️ What if we want to rest because we are exhausted — even if we aren’t able to justify why? ⁣
➡️ What if we felt like we had permission to listen to our bodies without explaining to ourselves or anybody else why we want to do that? ⁣
I know it’s not easy to do because I know that society teaches us something 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 different. ⁣
Society teaches us that rest is for weak people + reminds us that we can sleep when we’re dead and tells us to just push through and calls us forward to work harder + set bigger goals and GO GO GO GO! ⁣
And society teaches women that they can’t trust themselves or the needs of their bodies and that if we do, we need to have a justifiable explanation. ⁣
So of course we believe we have to explain how we feel. ⁣
👉🏻 There’s nothing wrong with you if you’re not able to rest “guilt-free”. ⁣
👉🏻 The guilt we experience is a normal, conditioned response. ⁣
👉🏻 Your response is a reaction to the programming of our don’t stop can’t stop culture. ⁣
And it’s part of the reason that many of the women I know and work with are…⁣
▪️On the verge of burnout⁣
▪️In desperate need of a break⁣
▪️Overworked⁣
▪️Struggling with autoimmune disease⁣
▪️Overwhelmed⁣
▪️Stressed out⁣
▪️Not asking for help⁣
▪️Telling themselves they can’t slow down⁣
▪️Convinced that nothing will get done if they don’t do it ⁣
▪️Dismissing their own dreams + desires⁣
☝🏻All of it makes sense. ⁣
Until we detox from the programming that has trained us to believe that our work equals our worth, it will not be okay for us to rest. ⁣
The switch is not easy (it took me years!) and for many of us with cultural, generational, and individual traumas, it’s more complex.⁣
BUT IT IS POSSIBLE.
You can begin the process by honoring your body‘s feelings without asking her to justify them.⁣
xo

Happy New Year!

I want you to know that it is okay if…⁣

▪️You haven’t yet figured out your 2022 word of the year⁣
▪️You did not begin a new workout routine or go for a walk today⁣
▪️You haven’t thought about — let alone mapped out your goals for the new year⁣
▪️You haven’t reflected on last years wins + lessons⁣
▪️You haven’t begun the journey of completely reinventing yourself⁣

 It is okay if you have. ⁣

The point isn’t to check off boxes of what people who you think have their shit together do during the last week of December + the first day of January. ⁣
The point is to slow down + check in. ⁣
▪️What feels good to YOU in this moment?⁣
▪️What choice feels in alignment with how YOU want to feel?⁣
▪️What do YOU want right now?⁣
I promise you, the practice of spending quiet time with yourself, checking in + giving yourself what YOU need has more power to transform your life than a word of the year. ⁣
Also, social media is convincing you that everybody else is doing something everybody isn’t doing. ⁣
Try following YOUR lead. ⁣
And allow yourself to change directions. ⁣
A lot. ⁣
Every day is the beginning of a new year. ⁣
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