i don’t know
i know
it’s not cute
but it is
a hit
that feeds
the addiction
calms
the twitching
that beast within
is becoming extinct
she’s dying
and she’s afraid
so she rages
in her attempts
to cling
to life
she scratches
on occasion
i can smell her fear
i know
i no longer
need the sanctuary of that old story
i know
i no longer
need the high of your attention
i know
i no longer
need the protection of my pretending
i don’t know
because
the truth is
i do know
the truth
i’m done pretending
i am not
she needs me to know me
i get me
she needs me to own me
i got me
she needs me
it’s time
step-up mic-up pen-up speak-up show-up
visible
i know
i am
the truth
i’d been acting
like i’m not
she is begging
pleading
stop
pretending
faking
feigning
weakness
ignorance
stupidity
but that hit…
of attention
so addictive
feels
so
very
good
another hit…
inhale
hold it
feel the
love
as it courses through my brain
exhale slow
feel the
approval
settling in my veins
confirming
validating
all the things
i’d been contemplating
my worthiness
my intelligence
my pretty
my polished
perfection
good enough
only is
if you
please
tell me so
my attachment to the entrapment
of my addiction
seductive on the surface
is but an illusion
the comfort is deception
for protection
i no longer need
i see me
i am safe
with me
i am safe
i got me
i am safe
anchored
supported
held
inside my truth
i can expose myself
and allow
you
to see me
and your experience
of me
has no power
to hurt me
that power
full in me
is no longer