[ < permission to be me> ]
i spent years…
so many years…
S O
M A N Y
Y E A R S
trying to become
working to embody
P E R F E C T I O N
i’d convinced myself
i fully believed
P E R F E C T I O N
was the thing
i needed
the finish-line
i had to cross
H A D T O
and IF
if
i could cross that line
if
i could make it
i would be
enough
finally
worthy
of attention
of approval
of love
i was exhausted
continually performing
in an act
a show that never closed
but in my quiet moments
alone
behind the curtain
i raged against me
why is nothing working
i was trying to
do right
speak right
look right
be right
P E R F E C T
i’d perform
then look to you
seeking your applause
searching
for the nod
approval
doing everything i believed was required
to fit
into your version
into your desires
into your belief
into your expectations
of what
of who
of how
i should
be and do
really
my version
my desires
my belief
my expectations
projected
the truth
‘right’ is subjective
it’s relative
and more importantly
what works for you
will not work for me
because i am not you
and i don’t want to be
i want
to be me
my soul
craving
clawing
crying
unleash me
she’d been imprisoned
see
trapped
locked up
by me
and i was looking to you
for the key
seeking permission
to be released
to be free
to be me
to own without apology
the true me
but the permission
i was seeking
had to come from me
you were easier
to blame
to pretend
to make responsible
if you would just give me a break
if you would approve of me
if you would tell me
are you proud of me
you were safer
see
for me
than me
looking to you
i didn’t have to
look to me
go in
turn in
to me
when i went in
when i turned in
when i looked in
when i stopped fighting
against me
when i started fighting
for me
when i gave permission
to me
to be
imperfectly
me
i began loving
me
and i set my soul free
unleashed the real
me
